I Write The Songs. CONTEST ENTRY
TITLE: I Shot the Sheriff (Bob Marley and the Wailers)
CHARACTERS: Eric, Sookie and Pam.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters or anything else from the SVM-universe. Charlaine Harris does. I just gave them a bit of fun.
PEN NAME: Thyra 10
BETA NAME: Rascalthemutant
VIRGIN WRITER : No
TEASER: Eric has a new toy he wants to play with. And he wants Sookie to play with him. But then he makes it into a bet Sookie doesn`t want to lose. Rated M.
“It will be fun,” my tall, blond vampire said, his voice filled with the enthusiasm of a five-year-old.
We were naked in bed and he had just told me about his latest purchase. Though, I doubted very much that the sale of paintball field had been entirely voluntary. The owner had been a well-known leader of Fellowship of the Sun and somehow I couldn`t picture him giving up his business to Eric. Not voluntary, at least.
Sometimes I thought of the vampires as some kind of mafia. They had the same deadly hierarchy and they gave people offers they couldn`t refuse. I wasn`t really sure what my role was if Eric was a fanged mobster so I tried not to think too much about it. I hadn`t dyed my hair platinum blond or bought myself a fur coat yet, and I wasn`t planning on doing it in the foreseeable future. I was still Sookie Stackhouse of Bon Temps, working as a waitress at Merlottes and dating (or being married to if you followed vampire rules) a self-employed vampire in Shreveport. Who was born around a thousand years ago somewhere in Northern Europe.
This vampire now had a new business, a paintball field, and he wanted to try it out with me.
“What`s the point, Eric?” I asked. “You can hear my heart beat and see my shadow a mile away…”
“And smell your intoxicating smell,” he smiled, fangs down. There was no doubt what smell he was referring to. Eric had never been subtle when it came to sex. He enjoyed it, plain and simple, and never bothered to hide the fact.
“So I would never have a chance at getting within shooting distance of you,” I argued.
Eric looked at me. “You`re right. It would give me an unfair advantage.”
“And you`re so much faster than me too.”
“I am,” he nodded.
I almost felt bad when I saw how disappointed he looked. He had apparently looked forward to us shooting at each other with paintballs. And I`d always liked shooting too. Not like Jason, who enjoys hunting as often as he can, but I can handle a weapon better than most women. And some men. Especially some men born before firearms were invented.
Eric could testify to that. He`d seen me shoot on several occasions. I`d even killed a person who`d taken a shot at him. Debbie Pelt was somewhere in the woods, deep down, because of my talents at shooting.
“Maybe we could somehow limit your senses?” I suggested.
Eric`s face brightened up.
“I could be blindfolded and muffle my hearing.” He didn`t mention his sense of smell so I figured he wanted to sniff his way around.
“And your speed?” I asked.
“I will promise to use human speed only,” he smiled. “And, of course, if you drink my blood, you will be faster.”
I laughed. Trust Eric to find a way for him to have me drink his blood. Eric was always very turned on when I sucked from one of his veins and he`d even come from it before I became his lover but still needed his blood. Actually, just us speaking about me drinking his blood gave his eyes that special flash that spoke directly to my nether parts.
“I can smell you,” he whispered and then he used human speed all the way down to the source of the smell. He did a mighty fine job at cleaning up but then he made a big mess afterwards. Not that I was complaining.
Just when I was close to coming, I bit his shoulder and sucked as hard as I could. Eric yelled loudly in a language I wasn`t even sure still existed. With every suck Eric shuddered and when he bit me too, we both jumped ship so loudly, I was glad my house was almost alone in the woods and that Bill was visiting his new girlfriend. Who was actually his old girlfriend. Especially made for him. Bill`s old master, Lorena, was just creepy that way. Actually she was creepy in any way. And now she was dust.
I`d ended up stabbing her in a fair fight. I could deal with vampires if I had to.
After our lovemaking I felt more dead than alive, in a good non-vampiric way. Eric used my foggy post-coital state to have me agree on what the winner could do to the loser after the paintball shoot out. The next morning, when I realized what I had accepted, I knew I had to win.
I had to laugh when I saw Eric with one of those blindfolds you use when you want to sleep on a plane and ear plugs connected to an iPod he was carrying in the front pocket of his very tight jeans.
The moon was up and it was a star-bright night. It was dark in the woods, which was why I was wearing night goggles. Eric`s blond hair looked eerily green.
He frowned at my giggle which meant the music didn`t cover all sounds entirely. I made a mental note of staying quiet.
I wasn`t too dandy looking myself, with blue coveralls and a mask that protected my nose and chin from any paintballs shot at me and the night goggles sticking out like pointy eyes. My hair was covered in a woolen hat.
“Are you ready?” I almost shouted.
Eric nodded. “I already have your punishment figured out, lover,” he said in a husky voice. “For when I win.”
I laughed. “I`m a much better shot than you are and you agreed on not using your vampire senses.”
“Except my sense of smell,” Eric grinned.
“Yeah, let`s see how far that`ll get you.”
We walked in opposite directions, having agreed on moving away from each other for ten minutes before we started shooting.
I ran as fast as I could. This wasn`t my wood, but I had cheated and spent half my day here, to get familiar with it. I knew just where to run to and where to hide. Yes, I was going to hide from Eric. I knew I couldn`t outrun him, even when he used what he figured was human speed.
I went to the place I`d found earlier that day and retrieved the plastic bag I`d hidden there. Jason had not been able to hide his surprise when I`d asked him to wash one of his coveralls without soap and give it to me in a plastic bag, but he`d done it. I suppose being in love made him compliant, even to his little sister.
I quickly took off the coverall I`d been wearing all afternoon and evening, hung it on a branch and noticed to my joy that there was a slight breeze that would send my smell from the coverall and in the direction of Eric`s nose.
I put on Jason`s coverall and jumped behind the tree trunk that was at a safe distance from my coverall hanging weirdly from a tree. It was shooting distance, but hopefully far enough away for Eric not to be able to smell me (I had toyed with the idea of hanging my panties in the tree as well, but ended up with just the coverall).
Just to be sure I covered myself up with branches and leaves, hoping they would transfer some of smell to me and hide mine.
And then I started waiting. I was dead quiet, even holding my breath as much as possible, and listening to sounds of a blind and hearing-impaired vampire moving in the woods. Which was silly, really, since vampires never made any sounds, blind or not.
My eyes were wide open, staring in every direction through the annoying night goggles that stole my ability to look to the sides. I felt like a cat waiting at the hole in the ground, for the little mouse to appear. And after a while I felt like the mouse. I thought I saw or heard Eric everywhere, but I kept my cool and stayed still with my gun in my hand, ready to fire. I knew he would find me, or hopefully my coverall, sooner or later and I was pretty sure it would be sooner.
That was when I heard the sound of paintballs hitting something. I instinctively crouched even closer until I understood it wasn`t me but my coveralls that had been shot. I looked around but couldn`t see Eric. Not until I looked up.
Up in the air, right over my hanging coveralls, a huge figure was grinning, his green-blond hair blowing around his head. Eric.
Before I knew what I was doing, I threw myself backwards, aimed at him and fired. I screamed when I saw the big spray of paint spread on his chest and his victorious face changed into utter surprise.
And then he fell.
I ran over to the place he`d fallen and got there just as he was pulling off his eye-mask and ear-buds. He looked me up and down, not needing night goggles to see in the darkness.
“But I shot you?” he asked.
“Nope,” I answered proudly. “I shot you.” Just to pour salt in his wound, I walked over and pointed at the paint on his chest. “A clean shot,” I smiled.
Eric`s face was filled with surprise until he noticed my coveralls hanging behind me. Then it changed into a huge smile.
“Very smart, indeed,” he acknowledged. He gave me a kiss. “You would be a perfect vampire.”
I knew he didn`t mean it as in `You would be a perfect vampire and I`m going to turn you`. Or at least that was how I chose to hear him. We`d already had the conversation about me living and dying. And I had made it clear I wanted to die the normal six-feet-under kind of death. Not running around in the woods in a thousand year`s time, shooting at my boyfriend, just for the fun of it.
“I beat you even though you cheated,” I couldn`t help pointing out. When Eric gave me an innocent look, I continued. “You flew. You weren`t supposed to use your vampire powers.”
“I seem to remember I was not going to use my vampire hearing, sight or speed. No mention of flying.”
I rolled my eyes, but then realized Eric couldn`t see it through my night goggles so I took them off and rolled my eyes again. Then I pushed him in the chest and he refrained from using his vampire powers to resist my push. We both went down.
“This smells of your brother,” Eric said and started pulling off Jason`s coverall.
Eric was much more comfortable showing Mother Nature his naked butt than I was, but soon I was in my panties and bra only without feeling the need to stop Eric in his quest to get me undressed. I only made sure his clothes were on the forest ground as quickly as mine were.
Soon I was sitting on top of him and feeling his hands on my hips and his length inside me. I moaned loudly and almost wanted to retrieve the night goggles to watch Eric`s face, but his groan told me he was enjoying the forest as much as I was.
I wasn`t sure if it was the pleasure of finally feeling superior to Eric or the simple joy of beating him in a game, but I was faster, harder and more erratic in my motions than I usually were when we were having sex. It suddenly hit me that I was claiming my stake. In more ways than one, I giggled to myself.
Eric didn`t seem to mind.
“You`re sure you just want a dance with me?” Eric asked. “The deal was after all that the winner could have the loser do anything he or she wanted.”
“I just want a dance with you,” I nodded.
Eric shook his head and grinned. “This is hardly a punishment,” he said to himself. “To be allowed to grind my body into yours on a dance floor.”
I had to look away to hide my smile but luckily Eric was too busy being pleased with himself while driving his red Corvette to Shreveport. As my prize I`d asked Eric for one dance at Fangtasia. What Eric didn`t know was that I had made some arrangements with Pam too. She had laughed so hard I was afraid my cell phone would be permanently damaged.
“I like grinding myself into you too,” I answered innocently.
“Your wish is my command,” he smiled and soon we had the car parked at the back of Fangtasia. Pam opened the back door just as we reached it.
“Welcome,” she smiled. “The dance floor is ready.”
Eric looked from Pam to me, probably smelling there was something off, but then he smiled again and proceeded, his hand at the small of my back.
Just as we entered the room filled with tourists, fangbangers and vampires, the DJ noticed us and faded the song that was playing and bent down to the microphone.
“We have a request now. A song we`ve never played here at Fangtasia before. Let`s all hear it for Bob Marley and the Wailers.”
I noticed a couple of regulars looking at each other. Reggae was certainly not the usual type of music blasting from the loudspeakers of Eric`s vampire bar.
“What have you planned, my darling wife?” Eric bent down and whispered while pulling me into his body. He obviously wasn`t familiar with the good Mr. Marley.
I`ve always been a great dancer, but even I can`t dance close to reggae rhythms so I pulled slightly away and just held his hands. I smiled when the steel drums sounded and grinned when Bob Marley started singing.
I can dance, but I couldn`t carry a tune if my life depended on it, but soon I opened my mouth and screamed with Bob Marley`s warm voice.
“IIIII shot the sheriff,” Bob Marley and I sang.
I grinned at Eric who was speechless for a moment or two. Then Bob Marley sang about him shooting the sheriff and I joined him again, at the top of my lungs. I looked at Pam over Eric`s shoulder. She gave me thumps up, laughing so hard I was almost worried she would have bloody tears running down her milky white cheeks.
When Bob Marley and the Wailers sang about shooting the sheriff a third time, Eric pulled me into him and gave me a deep kiss, preventing me effectively from singing out my conquest one more time. I laughed and pulled back. Then I noticed Pam singing to Bob Marley`s song as well. Her lips were miming. “But you did not shoot no deputy.”
I laughed harder. No, I hadn`t shot Pam. Only Eric.
Eric had a True Blood and I had my usual Gin and Tonic. When the bottle of True Blood was almost empty Eric went over to the DJ and had a word with him. I tried to read his lips to see if he was angry, but both Eric and the DJ smiled. Then Eric came back.
“I would like to dance with you again,” he said, holding out his hand.
Just as I was getting up the DJ announced the next song.
“We have another request. It`s a song from the Kill Bill soundtrack album.” And with that a sultry lady started singing “Bang, bang. You shot me down. Bang, Bang. I hit the ground. Bang, Bang. That awful sound. Bang, Bang. My baby shot me down.”
I smiled so wide to Eric and my heart was smiling too. Eric was by no means a sore loser. He was my Eric and we shared the same sense of humor.
I kissed him and we danced.
Later that night Eric was almost sentimental. He started counting the reasons he loved me. Apparently me thinking out a way of surviving a paintball attack from a vampire and then making Pam laugh were high on some kind of list. Eric was all about fun and survival.
“And here I thought you were just after my body,” I teased.
“Oh, I want that too.”
And he did.
I hope you liked this little silly tale. When I heard about the contest “I Shot the Sheriff” was the first song I thought of. But I didn`t want anyone to kill the Viking so this was what I came up with.
I also have another entry in this contest: When I`m 64 (Beatles).
I want to thank Northwoman and Northman Maille for having this fun contest and I hope to see many entries.
8 thoughts on “I Shot the Sheriff: Complete”
Had to re read this, and I loved it just as much as the first time. It was fun and just what I was thinking of when the idea of the contest popped into my head 🙂
I loved that you had this song in the back of your mind when you made the contest because that was the first song that popped up in my mind when you announced the contest 🙂 I spent weeks trying to come up with a good way of shooting sheriff Eric!
Brilliant strategy. I can think of several loopholes but nitpicking would spoil the fun of the story.
Oh, it has plenty of loopholes but I couldn`t find a way to mend them and had too much fun writing the story to be able to change it completely. I`m glad you liked it 🙂
Lovely. Really enjoyed this little story. Smiling away while typing. Thankyou.
I`m glad you liked it. I had fun writing it 🙂
I laughed so hard that my face hurts….
it was fun to read all over again. KY