Thyra Dane

A/N: This little one-shot has nothing to do with my on-going story `Dead in Denmark`. This story is the result of a discussion – and a challenge – at the Alexander Skarsgård forum. We found out that there is one subject we could not remember having read about in any of the fanfics here. A subject involving sex AND blood.

This story is rated M for a reason. And it might just upset you. Not because of rape, violence or even crude language, but because the sex they practice, or rather the time they practice sex, is something whole cultures are negative to. So consider yourself warned.

And the title? Well, around here it`s the slang for that kind of sex. Eric should be wearing a fire fighter helmet.

*Runs off to bite nails and wait for comments*

EPOV

“Are you putting that in the recycling bin?” She said with a nagging tone, pointing at the empty bottle of blood I had left on the kitchen counter. “It doesn`t roll into the bin by itself, you know.”

I rolled my eyes and in a vampire-jump I was by her, sniffing. My suspicions were confirmed. I live with the sweetest, funniest, most beautiful woman on this earth, but one day every month, she is replaced by her angry and nagging twin sister. I hated that day.

“Don`t you sniff me, Northman.” She yelled. “I can pick on your mistakes without you sniffing me. And don`t you dare imply that I`m mad at you just because I`m having my period tomorrow!”

“Northman?” I answered my fangs a little down, but she just turned her back on me.

As men all over the globe have learned, most of them the hard way, I know that I cannot win an argument on this particular day. But I can look forward to tomorrow. Every cloud has a silver lining.

I went to my office and buried myself in work. I could hear Sookie going to bed. A very sweet and gentle man would probably be by her side with chocolate and a gossip magazine, closing his ears to complaints and bitterness.

I, on the other hand had given up on that fight a long time ago. I stayed out of her way. Goddammit, I`m a vamp, not a vimp.

I had been working for some hours, when I felt her pain. She was half a day early with her period.

In vampire-speed, I was in our bedroom, sneaking under the covers. I gently kissed her feet. She was still asleep, but her pain would soon wake her up. Or I would.

She moaned, partly from her pain, partly because my kissing was getting up higher on her leg. Then I felt her breathing become heavier and her heartbeat told me that she was awake.

“Honey?” She asked in a drowsy tone.

“Mmm, just lay back, Lover. I`ll take care of your pain.”

“Pain?”

“Uh huh I could feel your pain, so I`m here with the cure.” I smiled suggestively. Hopefully she could feel my smile against the skin of her thigh.

I kissed my way to the Promised Land and started to lick. She wasn`t bleeding much yet, so I would have to wait for the real treat tomorrow. I got hard just thinking about her wonderful juices mixed with blood. I`m a vampire, blood is my chocolate. My steak and potatoes too, come to think of it.

She was moaning and spread her legs wide. I thought back to when we started living together. She had kept to herself when she was bleeding. Large amounts of painkillers were her only help. Whenever I tried to be physical, she turned me down, saying: “I`m sorry, we can`t”. It had taken me quite some periods to convince her that:

1, Pain in the uterus would be relieved by orgasm. It was a fact – I Googled it.

2, I didn`t think she was less sexy when she bled and sex was definitely not gross to me. She apparently needed to learn a few basics on what blood meant to a vampire.

In the end, I convinced her with a scientific test. Or tests; she seemed to need me to redo the test to be sure. Now I was her painkiller and I came without side effects. Negative side effects at least.

I sucked and licked, while holding on to her sweet behind. She bucked and moaned and I could feel her release getting close. I let my tongue move faster and faster and was rewarded with a deep “oooooh” from her. Her whole body relaxed, only a small spasm ran through her, and her pain was gone.

I looked her deep in the eyes and said:

“Are you better now?”

She smiled, took my hand and pulled me further up.

“I think I`m going to need a suppository, too. And a second orgasm.”

I kissed her luscious breasts, while gently positioning myself at her entrance. She had her legs wrapped around my waist and moved her hips.

“Now!” She whispered.

I straightened out and kissed her neck, while moving myself into her. I picked a slow rhythm, but soon I went faster and faster.

Suddenly I felt her teeth on my shoulder and she bit. Hard. She sucked on the little wound she had made and I turned wilder with each suck.

Then I felt her orgasm around me and I could hold back no longer. With a roar, I joined her scream. I fell down in the bed, dragging her with me into our favorite post-coital position- me on my back with her head on my chest.

“You know how much I love it when you bite me, Sookie.” I kissed the top of her head.

“I figured I needed all the healing I could get.” She answered, kissing my nipple.

I smiled. “My blood only heals when you are wounded. Your period is a natural occurrence, not something vampire blood can fix.”

She laughed. “Better to be safe than sorry”.

As much as I disliked Sookie`s evil twin, I just loved it every time she left and gave me my bleeding Sookie back. And as much as I felt for Sookie when she was in pain, I was thrilled I could be her gigantic pain killer.

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A/N: So what did you think?