Thyra Dane

Author of Romance. Blogs about Scandinavia, Vikings and books.


First I want to thank everyone who voted for this story and made it win the Naughty and Nice Contest. “But the contest was over a year ago,” you say? I know, I know. I`ve had a chapter two (and three and four…) in my head all along but apparently it needed to simmer a little bit. I hope you`ll like this story.

Thank you, Rascalthemutant, for reading this story and correcting my mistakes.

Chapter 2

Date: February 15th

From: Tallblondnsexy

To: Americancougar

Subject: Change your nick!

I`ve said it a hundred times and I`ll say it again. I don`t like your nick and I want you to change it. If I could change a perfect nick like “bigdick” because you didn`t like it, then you can change your nick too.

The Winter break fell through. Usually we have a week off in February to go skiing (or visit our lovers in USA), but our professor cancelled ours. We have to “volunteer” at the hospital because so many people break their legs. Good thing that I didn`t buy the tickets then, huh?

Next chance for me to get off is Easter. It`s from April 16th and will be almost two weeks of me exploring every inch of your body.

But April… too far away. Sure you can`t get away from your busy schedule? Authors can write their books from anywhere, can`t they? I have a desk in my apartment and I`ll promise to clean it – both the desk and my apartment, I mean. No dust bunnies.

Imagine what we could do on the desk when you were finished writing.

Date: February 16th

From: Americanlady

To: Tallblondnsexy

Subject: Notice my new nick

You wore me down. I now have a boring new nick.

You know I love “Tallblondnsexy”. It`s you. You`re tall blond and sexy. And you would be bragging about it too. Bigdick didn`t fit you at all.

April? A two week Easter celebration sounds perfect. Christmas at your place and Easter at mine And no, I can`t get off my schedule right now. My new book will be out later this year and I`m doing a tour in bookstores from Memphis to Melbourne to make sure people remember to buy it. No European bookstores have booked me, unfortunately.

Though it would be worth a visit just to see you clean your apartment.

I`ll give you a call to discuss what we could have done on that desk of yours.

Date: February 17th

From: Tallblondnsexywithabigdick

To: AmericanLADY

Subject: Where do I go?

That was truly an inspirational call. I needed a couple of hours to replenish afterwards. You are welcome to call me again, anytime, even if you are not too old to do anything.

What do you mean that Bigdick didn`t fit me? Are you calling me small? Install Skype and I`ll give you a reminder.

I`ll book the tickets. Are you still in New York or are you back in Louisiana when I come over for your very special Easter celebrations? Will you be wearing a bunny costume?

Date: February 18th

From: Americanlady

To: Tallblondnsexywithabigdick

Subject: New York is my new home

Your dick is fine. As you well know. And you`re more than just a big dick. As you well know. What I`m more worried about is the fact that you needed several hours to replenish last night. Are you getting old?

Louisiana is my home state but when my books started to sell and I spent more and more time in NYC, I ended up renting an apartment here. Well, it was really a room at a friend`s apartment. But recently I bought my own apartment and put my house in Louisiana up for sale. This was after all a house I shared with Bill and I figured needed a clean start.

So make your airline tickets to New York. I`m looking forward to seeing you here. And no, there will be no bunny costumes involved.

I`ll call you again someday. But this next week I won`t be online much as I have a book tour and I won`t be bringing my laptop. My shoulders are showing signs of keyboard-exhaustion and I promised my doctor I’d give writing a break.

Talk to you later.

Date: February 18th

From: Tallblondnsexy

To: Americanlady

Subject: I`ll kiss the pain away

I`ll be waiting for your call. And I`ll be waiting for your shoulders to heal. Sure you don`t want me there to kiss them? And other body parts?

I`ll e-mail you back when I have the tickets.

Date: February 20th

From: Tallblondnsexy

To: Americanlady

Subject: Tickets are bought. Now go buy the bunny costume

I now have two non-refundable tickets to New York. Would you mind picking me up at JFK on Saturday the 16th of April?

Date: March 10th

From: Tallblondnanxious

To: Americanlady

Subject: Are you back from book tour?

Hi there,

I just wanted to see if you were back.

I tried calling you, but went straight to the machine.

Just give me a ping so I know you`re all right, ok? Nude pictures are fine too!

Date: March 20th

From: Tallblondnpissedoff

To: Americanfraud

Subject: Fuck you!

So I was just an easy lay for you? Some young meat for you to nibble on until you found someone more appropriate at the geriatric ward?

And you couldn`t even have picked up the phone to tell me?

Well, thank you very much. Nice to have met you.


It was Easter and I was going to New York – and I was not going to think about Sookie Stackhouse. Not even once.

I`d been to New York several times before and I loved the city. Pamela, my sister, had agreed to join me on the trip. Her planned romantic Easter with her girlfriend had fallen through because she`d, the girlfriend, not Pam, had suddenly found out she`d wanted husband and kids. Something Pam couldn`t give her even if she`d wanted to.

One would think we would be two broken hearts on that airplane going to New York but we were very far from it. Pam had been her usual sarcastic self and I was trying to flirt with the girl across the aisle from me. It turned out she was too young and silly for my taste, but I was back in the saddle.

I was glad I had Pam in the seat next to me. Most women would have screamed at the chance of going shopping in New York, but Pamela was not like that at all. Pam had to dress up for work, but when she was off the clock, she was all jeans and simple blouses. And thinking of it – at work she was mainly in scrubs or a white coat anyway. Who knew what she was wearing underneath?

Pam, or Doctor Ravenscroft as her colleagues called her, was my big sister and my best friend. We`d often been mistaken for lovers by people who didn`t know us, on account of our different last names. Our parents had made the controversial, at that time, choice to give the girl our mother`s last name and the boy our father`s. It made sense to us but not always to the outside world.

Pam and I were going to see all the sights, of course, but we were also going to just drift about, enjoy the night life and generally get a feeling of the city. We were going to have fun and probably drink a lot. Pam had already started on the plane – the evidence, a couple of small empty bottles, were on the little table in front of her.

Yes, I knew where Sookie lived, and no, I was not going to visit her to ask her what the hell she was thinking, stringing me along like that and then dropping me like a hot potato. I had no idea why she`d done it, but there would be palm trees in Oslo before I asked her the questions that had been bothering my mind for months. A man has his pride.

Yes, I`d checked her fansites to make sure she wasn`t dead or in a hospital, paralyzed in both arms. She`d stopped tweeting to her fans around the time she`d stopped contacting me, but her PR-people had issued a statement saying Sookie had started writing her next book at little sooner than anticipated. So she had postponed her book signing tour, stopped being online on her fansite – and ditched me.

Essentially Sookie had put her next book before me.

I had been angry at her. Very angry. And then I`d thrown all my anger into my studies and I`d never done better than these past months.

Pam had teased me for turning into a monk, but I had had no desire to screw around. The fact was that I hadn`t slept with anyone since Sookie and that was the longest I`d gone without sex since I`d lost my virginity.

But now it would end. Two whole weeks – that was the time I would have in New York and I felt pretty confident I would find a nice girl to take my mind off Sookie. Maybe more than one.

“What are you so gloomy about?” Pam asked.

I flashed her a smile. “When has Eric Northman ever been gloomy?”

She rolled her eyes at me. “Only the last two months.”

“I was focusing on my paper. I thought you of all people would be thrilled to see me study hard,” I answered and added, “Doctor Ravenscroft,” in my most ironic tone.

“Don`t `Doctor Ravenscroft` me. You miss that author and you might as well admit it.”

“`That author` turned out to be a bitch and I don`t want to hear more about her.” I shook my head when Pam opened her mouth. “And no, I`m not going to look her up.”

“So you`re ok if I pursue her? She looks hot in the photos.” Pam grinned.

“Fuck you, Pam,” I said and closed my eyes and pretended to sleep.

Soon we were in New York and after what seemed like an eternity, we were through visa checks and customs. One would think the good old US of A wouldn`t want anyone to visit her because she does her very best to frighten people off in the visa check line. I always feel like a terrorist under the watchful eyes of the sharply shaven officials.

But we were welcomed and I took a deep breath of air when I got outside. Airplanes and long legs were a bad combination. I was lucky that Pam was tiny because it meant I could use some of her leg space too. Not that she didn`t complain when I inched my way into her territory.

We took a taxi to the hotel we`d booked in advance, a huge and dark building just across Madison Square Garden. Checked into our rooms, unloaded our bags and went for the first thing I always did when I came to America: breakfast.

Nothing beat a full American breakfast. The pancakes themselves were worth the trip over. How Americans had ever thought that a dessert was fit for breakfast, I don`t know, but I loved the idea.

I ordered a stack with chocolate chips AND chocolate sauce. Pam went semi-healthy and ordered pancakes with blueberries. We had coffee and orange juice and I could feel my spirits lift with every bite of pancake I stuffed into my mouth.

Afterwards we strolled out into the New York spring. The sun was shining and even if it didn`t make it all the way down into the streets, it was still nice.

For the first time in ages, I smiled.

My general good mood was probably the reason why I didn`t suspect anything when Pam said she needed to get some books and pulled me into the huge bookstore just across the street from the restaurant where I`d just gained 5 kilos.

“Sure,” I said. I enjoyed bookstores over here. Books were so much cheaper and they had so many genres one would never find in a Scandinavian bookstore.

Yes, I`d started reading supernatural books after I`d met Sookie and I`d had a hard time finding them at home – well, until I noticed that all vampire books were on the kiddie shelves.

I figured I could quench my new addiction for vampire books here while Pam looked for whatever books she wanted to buy. It wasn`t until I was well inside the bookstore, I realized Pam`s dirty plot. I noticed a huge line of people and was of course curious to see which author they all wanted autographs from. I strolled closer, Pam by my side, when I suddenly stopped.

It was Sookie. Freaking Sookie Stackhouse.

“What the hell, Pam?” I growled.

“I checked her website,” she explained innocently. “I wanted to see her.”

“Well, I didn`t,” I said and started to move away.

“Don`t be such a baby. Your big sister wants to see the only woman that has ever had your heart.”

“Just too bad she threw it on the ground and stomped on it,” I hissed.

People were starting to stare at us so when Pam went over to stand in the line, I walked with her. I should have left the store but I couldn`t.

I peeked out from our place in the line and tried to catch a glimpse of Sookie, sitting there behind a table that looked way too big for her. Pam was staring too.

“Why is she wearing a wig?” she asked.

“Huh?” I tried to look closer and Pam was right. Not only was Sookie wearing a wig but she was also wearing much more make up than she did when she was in Norway. Back then she`d been a mascara and lipgloss woman and hardly even that. Now she had a thick layer of foundation, powder, rouge and what not. Her natural glow was all gone. Her eyes were heavily painted and her mouth looked weird too. Her nails were long and red and I felt like I was looking at someone else. Not Sookie.

Had success caught up with her? Had she become one of those American glamour women one only saw on TV and in magazines? Why would she wear a wig? Her natural hair looked great and that wig was way too platinum-blond for her.

I`d never considered Sookie vain but apparently I`d been mistaken. She`d become some Stepford wife – only a divorced one.

I couldn`t decide whether to be sad for her or to gloat but ended up doing the latter. Sookie looked terrible even if she`d spent an awful lot of time and money trying to look good.

“Is that what you pined for?” Pam asked, shaking her head.

“She`s changed,” I replied.

Pam managed to be quiet all the time we waited in line and finally it was our turn to talk to Sookie.

I shoved the book I`d grabbed from the stack next to the desk, in her direction and without looking up she asked “And who should I write the dedication to?”

“Tallblondnsexy,” I replied. Sookie`s head snapped up and she stared at me. “If you can be bothered. Answering an e-mail or a phone call is apparently too much work for an old lady like you.”

I couldn`t tell if she was blushing, her makeup was too heavy, but she did look down again and put her pen to my book. She didn`t write anything so I continued. “You found yourself a new kid to have fun with?”

Sookie looked up again. “Eric…” she started. Then her face grew hard. “It`s none of your business.”

Then she wrote “Sookie Stackhouse” and nothing else in my book and gave it to me. She looked behind me at the people in the line and said “next”.

It felt as if she`d slapped me and I stumbled away. Pam grabbed my arm and moved me slowly towards the cash register to pay for the book I didn`t want.

“What a bitch,” she hissed.


When we`d paid, I desperately needed air and we made our way through the store. We were by the doors when a voice came out of the loudspeakers. First I couldn`t make out what was said and I didn`t much care either. I wasn`t interested in any of their Easter offers.

But then the voice grew louder, more desperate and I heard it.

“Is there a doctor in the bookstore?”

I looked at Pam who`d already turned around. A doctor is always on the clock. I followed her back into the store.


First – NO, I did not give Sookie cancer. I hope you liked this chapter!

Do you know which day it is today? Today is the first day of the Home Sweet Home Contest. Take any or all of the SVM-characters to your home country/ home town and write us a story.Suki59 and yours truly are the hosts and we home to see many great stories! www . fanfiction u/2623209/HomeSweetHome (take away the spaces).

There are only 10 days left of the Saint Eric Contest that Peppermintyrose is hosting and I`m one of the judges. As in this chapter, Eric is not always the perfect gentleman towards Sookie. Sometimes, in the books and here, he hurts her feelings. How about writing a story about Eric`s flaws? Or write an ironic story where Eric is perfect. www . fanfiction u/2621565/Saint_Eric (take away spaces).

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