Thyra Dane

A/N:

Ah, back from Morocco and enjoying all your great reviews. Thank you so much!

I also want to thank Rascalthemutant for betaing this and for finding a suitable show for Sookie to appear on.

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SPOV

“No, Alcide. I can`t see why I should have to stoop to that level.” I was angry now. Angry. I was sad too, of course. What he had suggested was probably necessary but I hated it all the same. Which was why angry won over sad. Which felt good, actually. There had been a little too much sad lately.

“You have to and you know it. Bill sucker punched you with that trial. Now your publisher wants to cancel the next book if you don`t rewrite it. It`s a mess, Sookie. A complete mess. And you`re the only one who can fix it.” Alcide gave me a stern look.

At one point I`d found Alcide attractive. Not attractive in a way that had made me want to cheat on Bill, but I`d noticed Alcide`s dark eyes and curly black hair and I`d smiled back when he`d smiled at me.

That was before he`d introduced me to Debbie. Or before I`d seen sides of him that made me reevaluate him. If there was a thing called inner beauty, there was certainly also inner ugliness. Alcide was as handsome as they come on the outside and it was his luck that looks seemed to be all that counted these days.

But he was right, of course. Which was the reason he was still my agent. He would never be my best friend but he always had my best interests at heart. At least if my best interests were monetary and he could cash in his percentage.

I huffed. “How is it that I`m the bad guy when Bill was one who cheated on me and then beat me up?”

“If you want me to tell you that the world is full of injustice, I`ll be more than happy to do just that. But that doesn`t change the fact that Bill made you look like a bitch and it`s costing you money every day you let it stick to you.” Alcide took my hand, but I pulled it back. “Bill was out to hurt you all along, Sookie, despite his claims to still love you. You just have to face it. Now damage control is needed. And there`s no better place to do that than on The View. You`re lucky I could get you on that show.” Alcide touched my arm in spite of me pulling back my hand just seconds before.

I never liked it when Alcide touched me but he was a touchy-feely kind of guy. Well, not feely, really. Only touchy. And I was pretty sure he only touched people when he felt he could achieve something with his touch. Like convincing them to make a fool of themselves on TV.

I sat down. We were in my apartment and right now I felt invaded. And conquered. Beaten all over again.

I knew Alcide was right and I also knew The View was one of the better shows I could have appeared on. I loved Whoopi Goldberg and the rest of the hosts on that show seemed like women who would give me a fair treatment.

“I`ll do it,” I said in a low voice.

The smile on Alcide`s face made me want to change my mind just to see it fade. But I knew he was right and just looked at him.

“I`ll set it up.” He patted my arm and I pulled it back from him. How many times would I have to pull back until he realized that I did not appreciate him touching me? “It`ll be fine. You`ll see. And then maybe you can go on a vacation when this is over? It would be good for you to get away for a bit.”

I nodded. My book was finished and sent to my editor. I wasn`t sure if my editor would want to print the book but that was out of my hands. Either they said no and I would have to do a rewrite or they said yes and there would be some back and forth but that could be arranged via mail. Then the book would be printed, if my publisher wanted it at all, and I would have to do some publicity tours.

It would be a perfect time to leave – escape the country. After all these weeks with Bill and the trial, I would certainly love to be somewhere else than New York. A place that didn`t remind me of everything that had happened here.

Only thing was – where would I go?

The obvious answer would be to visit Eric but I hadn`t exactly been my most friendly self these last couple of weeks. Some days I hadn`t sent him the two emails. Some days he`d gotten none. And yet, he`d sent me a good morning and a good night each and every day.

His good night mails had always been raunchy – telling me just what he would want to do to me, to my body, if I`d been there. Or he`d been here.

But his good morning mails had been so much more. He`d told me about what he was going to do that day – exams, reading, applying for jobs. And he would tell me about his plans for the future, his thoughts and desires. He`d told me about him – who he was.

His mails had become longer just before the trial and he`d kept it up even if I didn`t have the energy to encourage him. Or even answer him.

Maybe I could visit Eric?

I immediately shoved the idea away. Too complicated. Way too complicated.

But I liked him. I really did. He wasn`t just a young hot lover. He was so much more. I had realized that during the trial when I had been asked to elaborate on my relationship to him. It had made me think about him in a different way.

“I`ll go on a vacation, Alcide. I`ll do the interview, you`ll talk to the publisher and then we`ll take it from there,” I said with a smile.

“You`ll probably just stay here in your apartment and work on your next book,” he said, not entirely unhappy with his suggestion.

I shrugged and soon he was out my door.

A few days later I was having a thick layer of makeup put on face and Alcide was prepping me before the interview. This time it wasn`t Debbie who was applying the makeup but a professional from ABC.

New York was heating up and the air conditioning was at full speed in the little makeup room. I was a little sweaty from the walk from the subway station but the chill in the room gave my body it`s normal temperature again. A shudder ran through my body but I wasn`t sure if it was because of the air conditioning or the fact that I was about to sit in a couch with five women who would ask me questions I would rather not answer.

“You have to be honest. Open your heart in there,” Alcide said for the seventh time.

“I know, Alcide.”

“And no holding back about Bill. Remember what he did you to you.”

I cringed. “I don`t think I`ll forget, Alcide.” My voice had that tinge of anger I often felt towards Alcide. I knew Alcide and I had to go our separate ways soon because I needed an agent I liked. One I could stand being in the same room with.

“Ten minutes!” A young guy popped his head in.

The makeup lady added some finishing touches, pulled off the towel that protected my shirt and gave me an encouraging smile.

“You`ll do great in there,” she said. “They will love you.”

I wasn`t sure if she meant the hosts or the audience, but I smiled in gratitude all the same.

“Thank you, ” I replied.

I took a deep breath and felt how that fake smile of mine took up half my face. Apparently they were used to fake smiles at ABC because the producer and the assistant gave me equally fake smiles back.

“And we would like to welcome our next guest,” Whoopi Goldberg announced. “She`s the author of an award-winning vampire series but lately it has been the trial of her ex-husband that has been on everyone`s lips. She was beaten up in her home and later she was beaten up in the court room. Sookie Stackhouse.”

Audience clapped like I was actually someone important. I smiled and nodded as if it was perfectly normal to go crazy over someone like me. I sat down in the middle of the couch and looked at the five successful women who were smiling at me. I`d never watched the show until Alcide told me about getting me a spot there and after that I`d only watched it on YouTube. But these women, and Whoopi Goldberg and Barbara Walters especially, filled me with awe.

“So Sookie,” Barbara Walters started. “This has been one tough spring for you?”

I stopped smiling. I was about to talk about serious things. Couldn`t smile like a lunatic then, I told myself, though the smile was more of a nervous habit than an actual smile.

“They have been the worst months of my life. When my ex-husband … Bill …” I looked at the audience. “When he almost killed me back in January, I thought that was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. ”

Joy Behar smiled an understanding smile – a smile I would bet she`d practiced for ours in front of the mirror. It was a nice smile, though. A warm smile.

“You were hospitalized?” she prompted.

“I was. And I still suffer from some of the damages from the assault.”

“Did you feel you were to blame for your ex-husband beating you and hurting you like this?” Whoopi Goldberg asked, knowing what I would answer.

“Of course not. First of all, no one is to blame for their husbands beating them.” That earned me clapping and cheering from an audience that was almost exclusively female. “Second of all, Bill cheated on me. He was working abroad when I came to visit him and found him with his mistress.”

“And they weren`t drinking coffee from what I hear,” Barbara Walters said.

“There were no coffee cups in that bed.” I dropped my smile just as I said that but the audience seemed to find it funny. It`s amazing how one person`s tragedy can be another person`s laughter.

“And yet, during the trial you were portrayed as the adulterer?” Whoopi Goldberg continued.

“I was,” I nodded. “After I`d found Bill in bed with … that woman … I went to a café.” I took a little break. “That was where I met … Eric.”

When I said his name a big lump in my stomach formed. I should have talked to him about this before mentioning him. But I`d never mentioned the trial and I just couldn`t mention this interview out of the blue. So all I could do was to pray that Eric would never see this show. And why would he?

For the first time I found myself happy Eric lived so far away.

“Your lover?” Joy Behar asked.

“Yes, Eric became my lover,” I said.

“The defense attorney made a big deal out of him being so much younger than you?” Whoopi Goldberg stated more than asked. “Because for some reason men are entitled to beat up women who have sex with younger and sexier men.”

I`d always loved Whoopi Goldberg`s sense of humor and she made me smile now too. This time a real smile, not a fake one.

“Eric is 13 years younger than me.” I looked at the audience again. “Most people find it perfectly normal for men to date women who are 13 years younger than they are. But for some reason it was wrong of me to find happiness with a younger man.”

The audience cheered again and I heard a few women shouting “You go, girl”.

“So you`re in love with Eric?” Barbara Walters asked out of the blue.

I found myself blushing. I wasn`t sure how much of the color that would be visible through the thick layers of makeup, but the stupid grin on my face probably told its own story.

“I would rather not comment on that,” I said, suppressing the grin into a smile.

Joy Behar smiled at me. “And now he`s in your books too?”

“I`ve written a new character into my series, yes.” I answered. “But he`s there because my heroine Anita needed a new direction in life. She`s been controlled for far too long by the man she thought she loved. She needs to get back on her own two feet.”

The audience cheered again.

“A bold choice?” Barbara Walters asked. “Your fans seem to like Anita with Stefan?”

“I would say it was a natural choice. Anita is a strong heroine and she needed a new direction in her love-life,” I said with a smile and enjoyed the cheering. I knew the audience would cheer if I`d said my new hero was a blue-cheese, but it still made me smile.

The interview was a success and I could see Alcide`s grin in the darkness behind the cameras. I could also hear the cash register in his head.

When we walked towards the subway station afterwards, Alcide was so nice to me I could almost be fooled into thinking he liked me and not just the money I was making for him.

“I`ll call your publisher first thing in the morning, Sookie,” he said when my subway rolled into the station. “Your book will be out in no time.”

I nodded and thanked him, knowing that I would be checking the contract I had with him – and that I would find myself a new agent as soon as I could. If there was one thing I`d learned this spring, it was to only spend time with people I enjoyed being with and not waste it on people who made me feel bad about myself.

When I came home I sat down at my computer. My book was finished and I didn`t want to work on the next one yet. After all, I wasn`t sure if my publisher would accept the book I`d already submitted.

I went online instead. Suddenly I found myself checking out airline fares to Scandinavia and before I could regret my own actions, I`d bought a ticket. I was going to visit Eric in July.

I took a deep breath. Maybe I should have asked Eric first? Talked it over with him?

I shrugged. You only live once and that measly little life can be ruined ten times over in a blink of the eye. If Eric didn`t want me to visit him, I could always check out some fjords, the midnight sun, some Viking ship museums or the statue of The Little Mermaid. It wasn`t as if Eric was the only site in Scandinavia.

He was the best, though.

I started writing an e-mail to Eric.

---

A/N:

I hope you all had a nice Easter. I certainly did. Morocco was amazing!

I also hope you liked this chapter and that I didn`t mutilate The View too much. I`ve only ever watched it on YouTube…

The Home Sweet Home contest is over and the votes are counted. The amazing winners are Miss Construed and Pfloogs. Both are great writers and their stories will make you smile – I promise 🙂

Oh – and several of you have asked me about Dead without a Work Permit. The next chapter is already written and will be posted in the near future.

A/N:
Oh, Fanfic was being a real mess when I posted the last chapter. People got alerts but the chapter was not online. I did get a lot of lovely reviews (thank you *kisses*) which means some of you found the chapter – no thanks to Fanfic

I`m leaving for Morocco (yaaayy) on Saturday and figured I might as well post this chapter before I left. I just hope you will be able to read it.

I wish I could bring Rascalthemutant with me to Morocco, but since I can`t, I`ll have to settle with thanking her for her great beta skills!

I own nothing – Charlaine Harris owns everything. Including a fantastic talent. All I own is my envy.

---

EPOV

I`ll be fine,

Sookie

I stared at the message. It hadn`t been that easy for me to ask her if she wanted me to come to her. I wasn`t used to begging – or even asking – women if they wanted me. With Sookie I seemed to constantly be doing that.

Yes, I knew she was not entirely herself right now but I was beginning to wonder if it was more than that. Sookie mentioned our age difference way too much. Did she really not think we had a future? A future together, that is.

I wasn`t entirely stupid. I knew we weren`t a match made in heaven – and the difference in age was just one of the obstacles standing in our way. The distance between her apartment and mine was huge too.

But I could be a nurse anywhere and being an author wasn`t exactly a job where you had to clock in every morning at nine and had to stay at the office until four. She could write here if she really wanted to. I would vacuum my dust bunnies, if needed.

When Sookie and I were together, I enjoyed how we could just be together and not have to talk. And not just because we had great sex when we weren`t talking. We were just comfortable in each other`s company. Most women wanted to talk. They asked and probed and I never really knew what to answer. With Sookie I could just be me. I could relax.

When we were apart, the non-talking was a problem, though. At least in my opinion. I wanted Sookie to make statements. To say what she felt about me. To tell me she was coming to visit me.

But she did none of it. Even if I prompted her.

Luckily I had my exams to dive into. My days consisted of reading, working out, going to school, reading and sending a few emails to Sookie.

I didn`t go to any parties and I didn`t flirt with anyone. Not that there were any parties to go to. Everyone I knew was busy studying.

I could have flirted if I had wanted to. I just didn`t. I wasn`t sure when I`d decided I was committed to Sookie – that she was my exclusive. I just found that none of the sweet-natured – or naughty-natured, as it were – girls in my class were interesting at all.

They were too silly, too boring, too … not Sookie.

But as much as I wanted Sookie here – she was in New York and I wasn`t.

I`d set up Google Search to pick up any mention of her name. She was a celebrity and I found myself checking her various fansites for news more often than I cared to admit. If it hadn`t been a creepy thing to do I might have paid a private detective to follow her or I might have hacked into her email.

I wanted to know more than she was telling me and following whatever was said about her online was the only semi-normal way I could think of to get the information I craved.

It was on the night of my first written exam – Drug Calculations – I read about Sookie`s ex-husband`s trial for the first time.

I`d said no to the countless number of invitations for “a beer to celebrate” because I had just wanted to go home.

I was turning into a real monk and I wasn`t sure how I felt about that. Just as I wasn`t sure how I felt about Sookie. Was it love? Infatuation?

When I read about the trial, or some gossip magazine`s version of the trial, I found one more thing I wasn`t sure how I felt about. Well, I hated the news. Absolutely hated it. And I wanted to throw the reporter in front of a train.

But why hadn`t Sookie told me about it? Told me there was a trial. That she had to be a witness. That they would treat her like that. She should have come to me for support.

I would have … done something.

This was what filled me with mixed feelings. The fact that Sookie chose not to involve me in something like that made me sad.

The news filled me with rage. Especially when I realized Sookie was suffering because of me. Apparently her ex-husband was trying to get off the hook for attacking Sookie because she had a lover. “A young and handsome lover,” according to the gossip magazine.

There was an interview with Bill`s defense attorney, one Johan Glassport, and it made me want to tear up my computer.

“Mr. Compton is the real victim here. Ms. Stackhouse used him when she was a young and struggling author. When she found financial success with the vampire series she`s currently writing, she threw him away like an old dishrag and found herself a younger lover.

Mr. Compton has always been very proud of being Ms. Stackhouse`s inspiration for the male character in her series and was devastated when Ms. Stackhouse not only filed for divorce but decided to let her young lover inspire a new character in her series. A character that will be the new lover of the leading female character.

Mr. Compton has been nothing but supportive of Ms. Stackhouse and was appalled when he saw how cold-hearted the love of his life was. Violence never solves anything, and Mr. Compton wishes nothing more than to undo what he did to Ms. Stackhouse. He wants to apologize, but she has never let him have a chance at doing that.

I want to add that the trauma Ms. Stackhouse allegedly has been through seems rather exaggerated when one looks at Mr. Comptons`s physique. And the trauma Mr. Compton has been through because of Ms. Stackhouse`s actions should be taken into consideration too.”

The phone rang just as I was reading through the interview a second time. I was amazed I didn`t break the phone when I answered it. My rage was that bad. I took a deep breath.

“Yes,” I answered. My mother had tried to teach me to answer with my full name but people calling me knew who they were calling so what would be the point?

“How did the exam go?” It was Pam. Apparently our mother hadn`t succeeded any better with her.

I had to search my brain. Exam? Oh yeah, I`d had my first exam today. It seemed like ages ago after having read that awful article.

“Fine.”

“You don`t sound like it went fine,” my ever perceptive sister stated.

“It was something else …” I thought for a few seconds. “Sookie`s ex-husband`s trial has started,” I said.

“Yeah, I know.”

“You know?” I asked. I didn`t know Sookie had made such an impression on Pam that she would follow American gossip magazines too.

“She told me. It`s awful. Really awful. I mean, what she`s …” That was as far as Pam got because I couldn`t hold back.

“SHE TOLD YOU?”

“Yes. It`s hardly a secret and I`m sorry if you thought she only told you things like that,” Pam said in a dry voice. “Sookie and I have been corresponding quite a bit. I like her.”

“What the fuck?”

Sookie had told Pam and not me?

“Don`t get your dick in a knot, Eric. I don`t like her like that. You know who I love,” Pam said in a sad voice that calmed me down like a bucket of cold water.

I knew. Miriam was the love of Pam`s life – only Pam had been thrown out of Miriam`s life when Miriam found out that her breast cancer would kill her. She didn`t want Pam to suffer – or so she`d said. Only, it had made Pam suffer a hell of a lot more.

“Yeah, I know. Any news about Miriam?” I asked, pondering for a moment about Pam and me both falling for women who wouldn`t include us in the tragedies of their lives.

“She`s back at the Radiumhospital,” Pam said, her professional voice taking over.

The Radiumhospital was the best hospital for cancer patients in the country. It was also death row for so many people.

“So what are you going to do?” I asked.

“What are you going to do about Sookie?” Pam asked me back.

“I asked first,” I answered – going straight back to my nine-year-old self.

Pam snorted.

“I`m going to pursue her, of course. I know why she`s rejecting me and it`s not because she doesn`t like me.” Pam sounded very sure. “Now you, Eric.”

I paused for a moment. Then I took a deep breath because Pam had always had this ability of making me talk about things I didn`t want to talk about. And I really didn`t want to talk about this.

“I`m still here,” she said when I hadn`t replied. She was using her big sister voice.

“I know, Pam. And I wish I had your confidence,” I admitted. “Sookie never told me about the trial.” I sat down.

“And you think that`s a secret sign for her not having any feelings for you?” Pam asked.

“She should have told me,” I argued.

“Yeah. And you`ve told her you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her?”

“That`s different,” I answered. It was different. I just wanted to be included in Sookie`s life. I wasn`t asking her for any promises.

“You want a woman who has been knocked out by her ex to open up to some blond and blue-eyed – and I mean that in all senses of blond and blue-eyed – guy who lives on the other side of the globe. That makes perfect sense, Eric. Perfect.” Pam could hardly have been more sarcastic.

“She opened up to you,” I said. I was pissed now.

“And she doesn`t have to be concerned with what I think about her,” Pam fired back.

“She doesn`t have to be concerned about me either. She knows I … ” I stopped, not sure what I was going to say. What I could say.

“There you go, little brother. She knows nothing.”

---

A/N:

Yes, I know – this was a shorty. I`ll try to finish the next chapter before I leave and I`ll hopefully be able to post it when I`m back.

Have a nice Easter!

A/N:
Oh, Fanfic was being a real mess when I posted the last chapter. People got alerts but the chapter was not online. I did get a lot of lovely reviews (thank you *kisses*) which means some of you found the chapter – no thanks to Fanfic

I`m leaving for Morocco (yaaayy) on Saturday and figured I might as well post this chapter before I left. I just hope you will be able to read it.

I wish I could bring Rascalthemutant with me to Morocco, but since I can`t, I`ll have to settle with thanking her for her great beta skills!

I own nothing – Charlaine Harris owns everything. Including a fantastic talent. All I own is my envy.

---

EPOV

I`ll be fine,

Sookie

I stared at the message. It hadn`t been that easy for me to ask her if she wanted me to come to her. I wasn`t used to begging – or even asking – women if they wanted me. With Sookie I seemed to constantly be doing that.

Yes, I knew she was not entirely herself right now but I was beginning to wonder if it was more than that. Sookie mentioned our age difference way too much. Did she really not think we had a future? A future together, that is.

I wasn`t entirely stupid. I knew we weren`t a match made in heaven – and the difference in age was just one of the obstacles standing in our way. The distance between her apartment and mine was huge too.

But I could be a nurse anywhere and being an author wasn`t exactly a job where you had to clock in every morning at nine and had to stay at the office until four. She could write here if she really wanted to. I would vacuum my dust bunnies, if needed.

When Sookie and I were together, I enjoyed how we could just be together and not have to talk. And not just because we had great sex when we weren`t talking. We were just comfortable in each other`s company. Most women wanted to talk. They asked and probed and I never really knew what to answer. With Sookie I could just be me. I could relax.

When we were apart, the non-talking was a problem, though. At least in my opinion. I wanted Sookie to make statements. To say what she felt about me. To tell me she was coming to visit me.

But she did none of it. Even if I prompted her.

Luckily I had my exams to dive into. My days consisted of reading, working out, going to school, reading and sending a few emails to Sookie.

I didn`t go to any parties and I didn`t flirt with anyone. Not that there were any parties to go to. Everyone I knew was busy studying.

I could have flirted if I had wanted to. I just didn`t. I wasn`t sure when I`d decided I was committed to Sookie – that she was my exclusive. I just found that none of the sweet-natured – or naughty-natured, as it were – girls in my class were interesting at all.

They were too silly, too boring, too … not Sookie.

But as much as I wanted Sookie here – she was in New York and I wasn`t.

I`d set up Google Search to pick up any mention of her name. She was a celebrity and I found myself checking her various fansites for news more often than I cared to admit. If it hadn`t been a creepy thing to do I might have paid a private detective to follow her or I might have hacked into her email.

I wanted to know more than she was telling me and following whatever was said about her online was the only semi-normal way I could think of to get the information I craved.

It was on the night of my first written exam – Drug Calculations – I read about Sookie`s ex-husband`s trial for the first time.

I`d said no to the countless number of invitations for “a beer to celebrate” because I had just wanted to go home.

I was turning into a real monk and I wasn`t sure how I felt about that. Just as I wasn`t sure how I felt about Sookie. Was it love? Infatuation?

When I read about the trial, or some gossip magazine`s version of the trial, I found one more thing I wasn`t sure how I felt about. Well, I hated the news. Absolutely hated it. And I wanted to throw the reporter in front of a train.

But why hadn`t Sookie told me about it? Told me there was a trial. That she had to be a witness. That they would treat her like that. She should have come to me for support.

I would have … done something.

This was what filled me with mixed feelings. The fact that Sookie chose not to involve me in something like that made me sad.

The news filled me with rage. Especially when I realized Sookie was suffering because of me. Apparently her ex-husband was trying to get off the hook for attacking Sookie because she had a lover. “A young and handsome lover,” according to the gossip magazine.

There was an interview with Bill`s defense attorney, one Johan Glassport, and it made me want to tear up my computer.

“Mr. Compton is the real victim here. Ms. Stackhouse used him when she was a young and struggling author. When she found financial success with the vampire series she`s currently writing, she threw him away like an old dishrag and found herself a younger lover.

Mr. Compton has always been very proud of being Ms. Stackhouse`s inspiration for the male character in her series and was devastated when Ms. Stackhouse not only filed for divorce but decided to let her young lover inspire a new character in her series. A character that will be the new lover of the leading female character.

Mr. Compton has been nothing but supportive of Ms. Stackhouse and was appalled when he saw how cold-hearted the love of his life was. Violence never solves anything, and Mr. Compton wishes nothing more than to undo what he did to Ms. Stackhouse. He wants to apologize, but she has never let him have a chance at doing that.

I want to add that the trauma Ms. Stackhouse allegedly has been through seems rather exaggerated when one looks at Mr. Comptons`s physique. And the trauma Mr. Compton has been through because of Ms. Stackhouse`s actions should be taken into consideration too.”

The phone rang just as I was reading through the interview a second time. I was amazed I didn`t break the phone when I answered it. My rage was that bad. I took a deep breath.

“Yes,” I answered. My mother had tried to teach me to answer with my full name but people calling me knew who they were calling so what would be the point?

“How did the exam go?” It was Pam. Apparently our mother hadn`t succeeded any better with her.

I had to search my brain. Exam? Oh yeah, I`d had my first exam today. It seemed like ages ago after having read that awful article.

“Fine.”

“You don`t sound like it went fine,” my ever perceptive sister stated.

“It was something else …” I thought for a few seconds. “Sookie`s ex-husband`s trial has started,” I said.

“Yeah, I know.”

“You know?” I asked. I didn`t know Sookie had made such an impression on Pam that she would follow American gossip magazines too.

“She told me. It`s awful. Really awful. I mean, what she`s …” That was as far as Pam got because I couldn`t hold back.

“SHE TOLD YOU?”

“Yes. It`s hardly a secret and I`m sorry if you thought she only told you things like that,” Pam said in a dry voice. “Sookie and I have been corresponding quite a bit. I like her.”

“What the fuck?”

Sookie had told Pam and not me?

“Don`t get your dick in a knot, Eric. I don`t like her like that. You know who I love,” Pam said in a sad voice that calmed me down like a bucket of cold water.

I knew. Miriam was the love of Pam`s life – only Pam had been thrown out of Miriam`s life when Miriam found out that her breast cancer would kill her. She didn`t want Pam to suffer – or so she`d said. Only, it had made Pam suffer a hell of a lot more.

“Yeah, I know. Any news about Miriam?” I asked, pondering for a moment about Pam and me both falling for women who wouldn`t include us in the tragedies of their lives.

“She`s back at the Radiumhospital,” Pam said, her professional voice taking over.

The Radiumhospital was the best hospital for cancer patients in the country. It was also death row for so many people.

“So what are you going to do?” I asked.

“What are you going to do about Sookie?” Pam asked me back.

“I asked first,” I answered – going straight back to my nine-year-old self.

Pam snorted.

“I`m going to pursue her, of course. I know why she`s rejecting me and it`s not because she doesn`t like me.” Pam sounded very sure. “Now you, Eric.”

I paused for a moment. Then I took a deep breath because Pam had always had this ability of making me talk about things I didn`t want to talk about. And I really didn`t want to talk about this.

“I`m still here,” she said when I hadn`t replied. She was using her big sister voice.

“I know, Pam. And I wish I had your confidence,” I admitted. “Sookie never told me about the trial.” I sat down.

“And you think that`s a secret sign for her not having any feelings for you?” Pam asked.

“She should have told me,” I argued.

“Yeah. And you`ve told her you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her?”

“That`s different,” I answered. It was different. I just wanted to be included in Sookie`s life. I wasn`t asking her for any promises.

“You want a woman who has been knocked out by her ex to open up to some blond and blue-eyed – and I mean that in all senses of blond and blue-eyed – guy who lives on the other side of the globe. That makes perfect sense, Eric. Perfect.” Pam could hardly have been more sarcastic.

“She opened up to you,” I said. I was pissed now.

“And she doesn`t have to be concerned with what I think about her,” Pam fired back.

“She doesn`t have to be concerned about me either. She knows I … ” I stopped, not sure what I was going to say. What I could say.

“There you go, little brother. She knows nothing.”

---

A/N:

Yes, I know – this was a shorty. I`ll try to finish the next chapter before I leave and I`ll hopefully be able to post it when I`m back.

Have a nice Easter!

A/N:

Thank you for all the lovely reviews. I know I never got to answer all of you because Fanfic was being such a mess, but I want you to know I appreciate them!

What I also appreciate is how Rascalthemutant keeps saving my butt by reading these chapters before I post them for you. Thank you so much, Rascal!

I also want to thank Peppermintyrose for the insights on a trial system that is so very different from what we have here in Scandinavia.

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SPOV

My apartment suddenly felt very empty. Eric was gone and though he`d only been around a little over a week, I found that I missed him.

I`d wanted to give myself some good memories and was convinced that knowing all along that Eric was going home would make me miss him less.

It had backfired.

My tiny apartment seemed huge without Eric`s 6`4“ to fill it up. And without his laughter, his kisses, his…

He had seemed reluctant to leave – or maybe that had just been me projecting my own feelings into it. Because, truth be told, I hadn`t wanted him to go home. I had wanted him to hold my hand through the trials. I had wanted him to stay and whisper sweet nothings into my ear, though Eric wasn`t the type to whisper sweet nothings at all. I had wanted him to make love to me and to tell me everything would be all right.

Though I knew it wouldn`t be.

I hadn`t told him any of these things because Eric and I were just not meant to be. The age difference, the Atlantic Ocean separating us – and, of course, all the mess Bill had and would put me through.

That didn`t mean that I felt nothing for Eric – because I did. It wasn`t love but that was because I was holding back. I had more than enough scars to voluntarily give my heart away to someone I could never have.

I sat down at my computer and started writing again. I decided to write for an hour and then give myself a break.

It was a knife`s edge. I wanted to write. Craved it now that I knew I could. But I didn`t want to work too hard and end up with a break-down.

So I was very efficient for an hour, then, in the middle of a sentence, I got up and went to bed. I closed my eyes, not because I thought I would be able to sleep, but to relax as much as possible in the hour I was forcing myself to stay there.

Then I got up and went back to writing.

Apart from the regular meals I made sure I had, my whole day was one hour writing and one hour relaxing.

When I went to bed that night I still missed Eric. But I also smiled. I`d written more than a chapter of my next book. If I managed to keep up this speed, the book would be finished before the trial. I knew I would have to go through some pretrial meetings with the prosecutor and I would have to sit through the witness selection but there would still be time to write. I hoped.

The thought of the trial increased that big lump I had in my stomach. I didn`t want to go through with it. Wasn`t sure how I could.

Hadn`t it been enough for Bill to beat me and injure me? Did he have to make me relive everything in a courtroom?

I forced the image of Eric back into my brain. His naked chest. His arms around me. His grunts when he was inside me. The way he felt.

Eric was the reason why I could fall asleep with a smile on my lips. Eric and the fact that I had been able to write again.

I took it easy the next morning. What I really wanted to do was to rush to my computer and start writing, but I forced myself to slow down. I took a shower, got dressed, had breakfast and read the morning paper.

Then I sat down at my computer and turned it on. I wanted to start writing but made myself open my mailbox first. I rarely opened my mailbox because all I had there were fan letters I didn`t have the energy to answer and Alcide nagging me about writing. But this morning it was as if the mailbox shouted at me. “Open me!” it shouted – and I did.

I knew it was the hope that Eric had sent me mail that made me open the mailbox but I didn`t want to acknowledge that hope and therefore only consciously expected the usual mail from people begging me not to let Anita find herself a new man or telling me how I had changed their lives. When would people realize that I was just an ordinary woman and the books were only books?

My heart leaped a little faster when I saw Eric`s name in the inbox. I quickly opened the mail he`d sent and read the message. I smiled and read it again.

My Lover,

Good morning. In a perfect world I would have woken you up with my kisses.

E

I pressed “Answer” and started writing.

Eric,

A good morning to you too though I suspect it`s afternoon for you. I missed those kisses when I woke up.

Sookie

I smiled and pressed “Send”.

I half expected an email in return but I didn`t get one and started writing on my book. I stretched the hour of writing a little. An hour and five minutes. Maybe even an hour and ten minutes. But I took long breaks between my writing sessions.

Those breaks turned out to be a good idea for the creative flow too. It made me consider what I`d just written a little closer and I knew just what to write next each time I sat back down at the computer.

I regularly checked my mail, was a little disappointed each time there was nothing from Eric and therefore my joy was even bigger when I, late in the afternoon, saw his name in the inbox.

My Lover,

Those kisses can be yours any time.

I`m going to bed now and want to wish you a good night. I`ll imagine that you are next to me (or preferably under or over me) in bed and it will seem less empty.

E

I was just about to send him a reply when it occurred to me what he had done. He had wished me a good morning when it was morning for him and a good night when he was going to bed. I decided to do the same.

I wouldn`t answer him until I was ready for bed and went back to writing my book. I had a smile on my lips.

When I had brushed my teeth and put on my nightgown, I sat down at my computer.

Eric,

I`ll imagine those kisses and maybe something more.

Good night!

Sookie

I did what I had told Eric I would do. I imagined his kisses – and maybe something more. I fell asleep and had very happy dreams. Naughty too.

I went to my computer before I had had my breakfast or gotten dressed. I was 39 but felt like a teenager when I opened my mail and found a new message from Eric. He wished me a good morning – with all the double entendres Eric would use. I did the same back and knew this day would be a good one. How could anything go wrong when Eric had said good morning to me?

Little did I know that the first phone call – the only phone call – that day would be from Mr. Cataliades, the prosecutor in Bill`s case.

It wasn`t that Mr. Cataliades wasn`t nice to me. He was very polite and even sweet and gentle at times. But he had updates on the trial dates and that brought me back to a reality I was more than happy to escape from.

In only two weeks there would be jury selection and the trial would be just a week after that.

“Which means we have to go over your testimony soon,” he concluded his long speech.

I nodded which was silly because Mr. Cataliades couldn`t see that over the phone. So I added a weak “Yes.”

“When would be a good time for you? I realize your health is not the best and I`ll try to accommodate as best I can,” he said in his friendly voice.

How about never?

“Thank you. My health has improved some but I still get fatigued and I also have trouble focusing. But I`m sure we can work something out if I`m allowed to take breaks from time to time.”

“Good. How does next Monday look?” he asked.

I didn`t have to check my calendar to know that next Monday was as empty as all my other days.

“Monday will be fine,” I said.

After we had exchanged our goodbyes and Mr. Cataliades had told me to “hang in there”, which had seemed odd in his mouth, I went back to writing.

I looked at the chapter I had been writing on – a chapter where Anita and Eric find themselves intrigued by each other – and knew I couldn`t write that. Not now. I therefore started a new chapter, a chapter that was further out in the story, and tried to find the words to describe how Stefan hurt and tortured Anita for choosing Eric over him.

That chapter seemed to flow through my fingers and I had written the full chapter in just 45 minutes – a new record for me. I also had tears on my cheeks. Tears I hadn`t noticed I`d been crying.

I was completely exhausted and went to bed. This time I fell asleep and slept for hours. When I got up and practically crawled my way back to my computer, I was happy to see another message from Eric. He wished me a good night and told me exactly what he would have done to me and my body if I`d been in his bed tonight. I smiled and looked forward to replying later that evening.

There was also a message from Pam. Just a short one telling me how much she appreciated meeting me and that she hoped our paths would cross again.

It was strange how those two emails from Scandinavia could wash away the worry the phone call from Mr. Cataliades had filled me with. I wrote a reply to Pam and when I read it before hitting send, I was surprised to see that I`d mentioned the trial.

I`d been very careful at not talking about the trial with Eric. I just didn`t want to soil whatever we had with those parts of my life. But somehow I knew Pam would understand. Or maybe I just needed a stranger to talk to?

I quickly added a sentence about not burdening Eric with this since he had more than enough with his exams and all.

My days consisted of a “good morning” from Eric, writing as much as I could during the day and more and more raunchy “good evenings” from the man I found myself missing. My heart did a little flip-flop whenever Eric mentioned the words “soon”, “future” or “looking forward to”. I`d never given him any promises, for good reason, but I enjoyed how he took it for granted, or pretended to take it for granted, that he and I were not only a thing of the past. Yes, I read his emails very thoroughly for hidden messages.

Monday came and I got dressed for my meeting with Mr. Cataliades. I dreaded this meeting but knew the worst was yet to come. Why couldn`t Bill just have pled guilty and accepted whatever sentence he got? Why did he have to drag me into a courtroom when he knew how much he`d hurt me already?

I had a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that the man I had shared so many years with, the man I had loved, would do something like that to me. But then he`d already beaten me to within an inch of death and there was no reasonable explanation for that either.

“Come on in, Ms. Stackhouse.” Mr. Cataliades greeted me at the door.

“Thank you.” I smiled at him but it was that fake smile I sometimes used when I really wanted to do anything but smile. Run away, for instance.

“Would you like some coffee or tea?” he asked.

No, I want this over with. “Sure. A cup of coffee would be nice.”

Mr. Cataliades disappeared from his office a few minutes. When he came back, a young clerk was in his tracks, carrying a cup and a notepad. I got the cup, which was hot from the coffee, and the clerk sat down next to Mr. Cataliades` desk and looked at me, his notepad in his lap.

“This is Mr. Maimondes,” he said and nodded at the clerk who had offered me the coffee and his hand at the same time, revealing just how insecure he was. Under normal circumstances I would have found it endearing but now I wanted something else than clumsy.

I guess I wanted a superhero who would fix this mess for me.

“So … ” Mr. Cataliades began. “Today we`ll go through the questions I`m going to ask you and then we`ll run through whatever the defense may throw at you.”

“Okay,” I said though I was far from okay.

Mr. Maimondes leaned forward.

“Why did Mr. Compton hurt you?” he asked.

I snapped my head in his direction. Yes, he was young and probably knew very little of life but that was no excuse. I watched a light blush spread on his neck.

“You would have to ask Mr. Compton that question,” I said in a cold voice.

Mr. Cataliades smiled. “Very good, Ms. Stackhouse. Very good. Mr. Compton did this to you and there is nothing in this world that could excuse his actions.”

“Of course, the defense will try to find excuses,” Mr. Maimondes said.

Mr. Cataliades looked at him. “Yes, they will. And we will be ready and prepared.”

When I came home that afternoon I felt as if I`d been beaten once more. Mr. Cataliades had been his usual nice self but Mr. Maimondes had surprised me by asking questions about Eric. Or rather – he`d asked me if I`d found someone new.

“I don`t have a boyfriend, if that`s what you`re asking,” I had replied but the moment the words left my mouth, they felt wrong. Or at least not entirely correct.

“Did you ever cheat on Mr. Compton while you were married?”

I had to think about that. Technically I had. Bill and I had been married when I`d slept with Eric. But I had known the marriage had been over the moment I saw Bill in that bed with …

“I had sex with someone after I found Bill in bed with his mistress but before I filed for divorce,” I had finally answered.

“That`s a perfect answer, Ms. Stackhouse, but you may find that Bill`s defense attorney will ask you for a yes or no answer.” Mr. Cataliades had sounded encouraging but I heard the little warning too.

“Well, then the answer is yes,” I had said while keeping my head high. I`d never felt like I`d cheated on Bill. Not until now.

I peeled off my clothes while the rest of the interview went through my head. They`d asked me about Eric and I could see in Mr. Cataliades` face that Eric`s age did not work to my advantage. Apparently men are more entitled to beat up their wives if her lover is very young. Or that was the impression I got.

Mr. Maimondes and Mr. Cataliades had discussed whether or not Eric should be invited over to be a witness but they`d agreed that this wouldn`t serve my case. Yes, Eric had seen Bill`s mistress and could testify about that but after I`d explained that Eric was handsome, in addition to being young, they`d shaken their heads and told me to make sure Eric was not in the state, or even in the country, during the trial.

I threw myself on the bed, too tired to even pull the covers over me, and for the first time since Eric had left, I didn`t think about him before I fell asleep.

And it wasn`t until the next morning I remembered that I hadn`t said goodnight to him.

My Lover,

I`m going to think about the taste of your sex just before I fall asleep. Then I`ll dream of all the things I want to do to you.

Can we Skype tomorrow? I want to see you again. And have some fresher memories of you.

E

My Lover,

You forgot me last night.

Good morning.

E

These were the two messages waiting for me when I got up the next morning and they left me with mixed feelings. I could hide the current turmoil in my life in an email, but not if Eric and I talked on Skype.

And that second message left me a little deflated. It wasn`t as aggressive as the ones he`d sent me when I was at the hospital but there was certainly an edge to it. An edge I had a hard time dealing with right now.

Dear Eric,

I collapsed early last night and slept for 14 hours. I`m not sure I can handle Skype right now, but I want you to know that I appreciate your emails morning and night.

Sookie

There. I leaned back and reread it before I hit “send”. I didn`t want to show too much weakness but Eric knew I was sick and I hoped he could handle this information.

Turned out he couldn`t because just a few minutes later I got a reply.

Sookie,

I can come to you if you need me. 8 hours on the plane and I`ll be there.

E

It was sweet of him to offer but I didn`t want him to come. He had his exams and I had the trial.

I`ll be fine.

Sookie

I knew I should have written more but what could I say?

---

A/N:

Was I being mean to you now? Nooo. Couldn`t just let Sookie fly home with Eric now that she had the trial and everything, could I?

Tomorrow is the last chance to vote in the Home Sweet Home Contest. Go read all the great stories from so many parts of the world, give them your review love and vote for the two best stories.

I`m amazed to hear how many of you had already seen the Swedish movie Let the Right One In. It really was a great movie, right?

I love all your comments to this story and I want to thank you for them!

I also want to thank Rascalthemutant for reading this and to send her a big hug. She knows why.

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EPOV

I was taken completely by surprise when Sookie kissed me. I didn`t mind, of course. I`ve always appreciated it when women showed initiative and I`m fairly used to it too – coming from Scandinavian and all. And looking the way I do.

I double-checked how much Sookie had had from her drink before I kissed her back, not wanting this to be drunk Sookie kissing me now and sober Sookie regretting it in the morning.

She hadn`t had more than a couple of sips, though, so this was not drunk kissing. I then considered the possibility of Sookie just being grateful. Was she kissing me because I`d helped her out? Was she kissing her nurse, so to speak?

I would be thrilled if this was the reaction I would get from all my future patients (yes, I did attend those ethics seminars and yes, I knew it was wrong of me to even think like this – but hey, these are my thoughts and they are nobody`s business but my own) but I wanted more from Sookie. I wanted her to kiss me, to want me and not just be grateful to me.

I held back for several minutes while contemplating the reasons behind Sookie`s kiss. Then I figured that Sookie was a grown-up. A mature woman who could say no if I went too far.

I started kissing her neck to make sure I wasn`t preventing her from stopping me verbally because that`s just the kind of guy I am – responsible and all. Well, I wanted to kiss her neck too. Maybe even mark it a little. Is 26 too old to give someone a hickey?

Sookie never said anything apart from the occasional moan and sigh so I grabbed her butt and pulled her over to straddle me. I kissed her chest and worked my way down to her breasts while pressing her warm body against my groin.

I wanted her so much. I probably should have asked her if she was sure about this but again – Sookie was an adult and I would have stopped if she had told me to. But I didn`t want to ruin this special moment by second guessing her choices. My choices.

I wanted to fuck her. No, I wanted to make love to her. And I wanted it so badly I was almost in pain. In pain because I couldn`t help being afraid Sookie would suddenly stop me. That she would say it was wrong. That we shouldn`t do this.

That she was too scarred from Bill`s attack to want sex with me.

Shit. Maybe she was?

I pulled back and looked her in the eyes, pulled a lock of her hair behind her ear and caressed her cheek. She smiled at me. That amazing smile I hadn`t seen much of lately. The smile made me want to …

I pulled Sookie closer, grabbed her butt tightly and got up. I loved how she tightened her hold on my neck – not to mention how her legs felt around my hips.

I stumbled towards her bedroom. She could say no and she could stop me anytime but I felt more and more confident she wouldn`t. That sex was on her agenda too.

I half threw her on her bed, half fell down with her in my arms and landed some very sloppy and needy kisses on her. Her hands were in my hair and mine were all over her, unbuttoning whatever was buttoned and groping at everything I could grope.

“Jeans off,” Sookie moaned and since I wasn`t sure which jeans she meant, I pulled off both hers and mine. And both our shirts – just to create symmetry. Who wants to be jeans-less and still wear clothes on their upper body? Certainly not me.

I like naked. Always.

Sookie was as sexy as I remembered her. I noticed some changes, some new scars, but all I really saw was the woman I craved so much.

My hands went behind her back and I opened her bra while kissing those lovely breasts of hers. Then my mouth worked its way down her stomach while my hands pulled her panties down. I was just about to let my mouth do its wonders when she stopped me and pulled me back up.

“I want you now,” she said.

I was confused at first. What woman would turn down ….? But I quickly regained my footing and grabbed my pants, pulled out my walled and found the condom I always had there.

Sookie took it out of my hands, opened the foil and rolled the condom on me.

I said something and Sookie may have thought it was in my mother-tongue but it was just a string of random letters that bobbled out of my mouth. Who would have thought it was that good to put on a condom? No – to have a condom put on you.

I`m not sure why my mouth kept wanting to ask “are you sure?” because there was nothing about her that should make me doubt if she was. And when she pulled me on top of her, I closed down my brain and let my body do what my body wanted to do.

Being between Sookie`s legs was where I had wanted to be ever since she left my apartment to go home in January. And now that I was back, I knew exactly why I had missed it so much. It was where I was supposed to be. Inside Sookie.

I entered her, pulled back and buried myself in her again. And again. And again. It was messy and sloppy and fast and … absolutely perfect.

Sookie was groping, pulling my hair and making all kinds of noises that went straight to my heart. No, straight to my groin.

I wanted Sookie to come, I really did, but soon my own orgasm threw me over the edge and with a loud groan I came so hard. I remembered that orgasm is called “little death” in some languages and it made perfect sense to me.

Or maybe that was just a myth. Who knew? Who cared?

I fell on top of Sookie, panting like an 80-year old trying to catch the bus. I pulled out of Sookie, withdrew the condom without really having the energy to dispose of it but managing to throw it in her wastebasket and then falling into the mattress and rolling her on top of me.

A lot of action for a man who had just died a little.

I was in paradise but of course I had a tiny snake inside my head that had to ruin it all, reminding me of the orgasm Sookie hadn`t had.

It wasn`t the first time I`d had sex with someone who hadn`t orgasmed. I`d been 17 once too. Plus some women just didn`t have it in them. Oh, and then there were the occasional one night stands where I had just not given a damn about her. Yeah – shoot me. As if I was the first guy who had solitary fucks with strangers.

But I was 26 now, I knew Sookie wasn`t frigid and most importantly – I cared enough about her to want her to have an orgasm. Or several.

She was breathing easier than me and her fingers were playing with my chest hair. And my nipples.

“Are you okay?” I asked and I immediately regretted. This was the kind of question you only asked if you knew the woman you`d just had sex with would answer “yes” to.

So I held my breath.

Sookie laughed. “I`m more than okay, Eric. I was very nervous about doing this, you know, after … But there were no signs of … I felt … ” She lifted her head and looked at me. “I was just like before, Eric,” she said with a smile. “Nothing`s changed.”

I was thrilled to see her smile but I`d apparently become a masochist without knowing it because I couldn`t keep my mouth shut and just be happy with her.

“But you didn`t have an … ” I started but then I remembered that not everyone discussed details about sex as freely as we did back home.

“An orgasm?” Sookie asked and I mentally shook my head at my own reluctance towards saying the O-word out loud.

“Yeah.”

“You haven`t left yet, have you?” she asked and kissed my chin. “I wanted you like this … first.”

I was exhausted from our love-making but that word – first – was liquid energy pouring right back into my veins. And my groin.

“Really?” I said, my voice darker pitched than usual.

My hand moved down her body.

“Yes, really,” she said and then she didn`t say anything for a long time.

Sookie did have her orgasm. And another one just for good measure. And the next morning I felt like testing whether I could give her one more.

Sookie and I had spent most of the last 24 hours in bed. Or rather, she had. She did sleep a lot and also needed to just lie back and relax. I hadn`t realized just how tired she got before I spent all my time with her. She`d probably taken rests when I wasn`t there this last week but now I saw just how much time she spent in bed. And not just the time she spent making love to me.

It made me hate Bill even more. Scars I could take and hair would grow out again but seeing Sookie so exhausted over even the smallest things, made me want to hurt him and hurt him badly. I`d never been a violent man but I was willing to change my ways if I ever met Bill again.

“What happened to Bill?” I asked that afternoon after Sookie had taken a nap and I had gone for a run, taken a shower and spent some time just looking at her beautiful, but scarred face.

Sookie turned and looked at me. I should have regretted my question when I saw the sorrow in her eyes but I didn`t. I wanted to know. Needed to know. But my needs meant nothing because Sookie`s mouth turned into a narrow line and she didn`t say anything.

If fact, Sookie never spoke of Bill. Not even about the life they`d had. Her past.

I suppose I didn`t talk all that much about my past – or anything at all, really. We enjoyed each other`s company without having to yap, yap, yap. I liked that. Preferred it. But I was curious about Bill.

I rolled over on my back and stared at Sookie`s ceiling. I was going to leave the next day and we hadn`t spoken about the future yet.

Our future.

If we had one.

“What are your feelings towards me?” I asked out of the blue. I was glad I wasn`t looking at her when that question decided to escape my lips.

“What?” she asked. Then she spent some agonizing minutes contemplating. “I like you, obviously. Are you asking me if I love you?”

Do you? I wanted to ask, but I said nothing. I waited for her response.

“I like you very much, Eric,” she finally said.

“But you don`t love me,” I stated.

“You`re leaving tomorrow.”

“Which is why I`m asking you today.” Why couldn`t she just say that she loved me?

I thought I heard some mean but playful gods laugh at me right now. How many times had I had women tell me they loved me and I hadn`t returned their sentiments? How many women had cried because I didn`t love them and never would?

“It`s not quite love,” she finally said.

“But close,” I added. Not as a question, but as a fact. I hoped.

“But close,” she said to herself.

I nodded into her pillow. Not quite love but close. I could live with that. And it was probably how I felt too. Not quite love but close.

“Will you miss me?” I asked Sookie the next morning. She had decided not to go to the airport with me and we were saying goodbye in her apartment.

“Of course I`ll miss you, Eric.”

I smiled.

“But you`re only 26, Eric, and … ” she continued.

I did not want to hear what she was going to say. I couldn`t believe that she brought up our age difference again. Not now.

“Stop it. I`m not a child,” I cut her off.

“Of course you`re not but you shouldn`t be tied down. Not to me. Not to someone living so far away.”

“Let me make my own decisions,” I said, my voice way colder than I would have wanted it to be on my day of departure.

But I hadn`t made any decisions. Apart from going home and finishing my nursing degree I had no idea what the future would bring. I wanted Sookie in my future but how could I tell her that after knowing her for such a short time? How could I even know?

There was a knock on the door and Sookie went to open it. Pam entered, all smiles and happiness. Couldn`t she see that this was no happy occasion?

“I just wanted to say goodbye, Sookie. We haven`t seen much of each other since my brother hogged you entirely and forgot to share.”

I both welcomed Pam and wanted her to go away. I wanted Sookie to myself but I also hoped Pam might come up with some kind of a solution. That she might ask Sookie to come home with us or something.

Because I certainly couldn`t. What did I have to offer her apart from a tiny apartment full of dust bunnies and sex ad libitum?

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A/N:

Dust bunnies and sex ad libitum doesn`t sound too bad, though?

Thank you for reading. I hope you liked this chapter.

14 great stories were submitted for the Home Sweet Home Contest that I`m hosting with Suki59. You can visit places like Scotland, South Korea, Kansas, Philadelphia and India. I can recommend that you read and review these wonderful stories – voting starts on Wednesday!

A/N:

Thank you for all your great reviews and some of you really knew your vamps! I`m glad it`s not just me reading all those vampire series *cough*.

I also want to thank Rascalthemutant for her great efforts at whipping my story into something readable.

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SPOV

I felt it the mattress shift but I knew it was Eric and though I was surprised that he went to sleep next to me, it made me smile too. When I heard him snore, I turned around and looked at him.

In romantic comedies I would have screamed when I realized there was a man in my bed, making him jump in surprise and fall to the floor and then I would be staring at him with my sheets pulled up to my chin.

This was no romantic comedy, though, and I hadn`t even been asleep when Eric came to my apartment and started calling out my name. I had just been so tired. So very tired. And since I hadn`t had to stay up in case Eric needed to be let in – not now that he had a key to my apartment – I`d gone to lie down.

I hadn`t told Eric about the extent of my injuries – how much they paralyzed me in my daily life and how much I needed to rest because of them – because I`d just wanted to enjoy my time with him and not be that frail and hurt woman I knew I was but hated being.

I wanted to be Sookie Stackhouse.

And now Sookie Stackhouse was enjoying the view of a very handsome man in her bed.

I just wished Sookie Stackhouse had the guts to kiss that man. To touch him.

He was leaving in a few days and I would be alone again with nothing but my memories. I had done my best to secure great memories. But the best of all – having sex with Eric again – well, I just wasn`t sure if that was going to happen.

Eric was so young and right now he was busier being my nurse than my potential lover. Yes, he`d kissed me in Central Park but the Eric I knew from Christmas would not have stopped at a kiss. So the man in my bed was not really the Eric I knew.

And then there was the whole case of me not being sure how I would function sexually now. Bill hadn`t raped me but he`d still hurt me and I had both physical and mental scars that could surprise me if I ever did the horizontal tango with the guy filling my bedroom air with a smell of pancakes (yes, I`d stuck my nose closer to his mouth to make sure he was the reason for the sudden sweet fragrance in the room).

I stared at the ceiling. When had I ever been one to worry about things?

I took a deep breath and figured that if Eric and I had sex before he left, and it was miserable and awful, then so what? Awful sex with Eric would probably be better than no sex and he was going home anyway. It wasn`t as if terrible sex would ruin a budding relationship.

And there was a chance that it wouldn`t be awful.

For two months I`d kept myself alive on the memories of that week in Eric`s apartment. It was time for some new snapshots and movies for my brain. Something to tide me over Bill`s trial. Because that was going to be ugly.

I turned to look at Eric again. Was he really asleep? Or was he pretending like I was when he entered the bedroom?

I let my finger glide down his cheek.

What if he rejected me?

According to “common knowledge” men would never turn down sex. But I knew this was a lie. Of course men could be tired, sick, busy or just not in the mood – just like women.

And sometimes the guy just didn`t want the girl.

Eric kept breathing in the same pace he`d breathed in since he`d fallen asleep. I looked at him to see if he was acting and came to the conclusion that he wasn`t. I pulled my hand back. Maybe it just wasn`t meant to be?

So I got up, went to the kitchen and made some coffee. When it was ready, I poured myself a cup, went to my living room and sat down in the recliner I`d inherited from Gran. I sipped my coffee and emptied my brain. I was good at that.

My cup was empty when Eric appeared in the doorway.

“Do I smell coffee?” he asked, no explanation as to why he`d fallen asleep in my bed.

I nodded at the kitchen and he went to get himself a cup. I could have done with a refill but he didn`t ask me if I wanted one so I walked to the kitchen as well.

I found Eric staring out of my kitchen window, his back to me.

Now in all the sitcoms and series from New York, people have views over Central Park or at least the street they live in. I didn`t. My apartment was small and the view was straight into another building. But it was home. My home.

He did look handsome, standing there. Too handsome, perhaps.

I sighed but made sure it was a soundless sigh. Then I poured myself half a cup of coffee.

“So what do you want to do today?” I said in a cheerful voice.

Eric turned around. “I haven`t made any plans, really. How about we just stay in?”

“We could watch a DVD,” I suggested. I wasn`t sure I was up for watching a full movie but I could try. I had to move forward and the only way I could do that, was by trying the things I wasn`t sure I could do.

A smile changed Eric`s face from serious to happy. “Oh, I know just the one, then. I`ve been meaning to get it for you as a farew… well, I wanted to buy it for you and now I will. He walked into my living room, put on his shoes and jacket and then turned to me. “I`ll be half an hour.” He thought for a moment. “No, it may be an hour. I keep getting lost in the subway.”

I laughed. “I`ll go with you. Can`t have you lost in New York.”

“No, it`s ok, Sookie. I want to surprise you.”

And with that he was gone.

“Okay,” I said to myself and then I went to my computer, turned it on and was pleased when I managed to answer a few e-mails.

I clicked on the story I`d begun to write before Bill`s attack and smiled at my detailed outline. Maybe I could print it out in huge letters, read it and let my imagination run wild? That was always the best part of the writing process and for the first time in ages, I felt up for it.

After the printer had done the job I`d ordered it to do, I grabbed the sheets of paper and a red pen and sat down in my recliner. I read the first two paragraphs, closed my eyes and let the story run through my brain, opened them again and wrote down notes. I`d already written that part but made a few additions. My new vampire hero needed a female friend who could keep him in check or he would become too cocky.

I`d already decided not to make him the typical romance hero who falls in love with the heroine the moment he sees her and pines when he can`t have her. Giving him a close female friend who wasn`t his sister would break all the rules.

“In for a penny, in for a pound,” I said to myself even if it made me sound like an old lady.

It was as if I gathered new strength because the next thing I knew, I was sitting in from of my computer, writing a scene where my heroine Anita meets the new character Cat – the former lover and now best friend of … I stopped. I still hadn`t found a good name for my new hero.

I chewed on my pencil. My hero was tall, blond and probably Scandinavian. He couldn`t exactly be called Jean-Claude or Mencheres.

Then I threw down my pencil and started typing.

“This is my friend Cat,” Eric said in that deep voice of his.

I giggled like a school girl. Yes, my hero looked like Eric. He might as well be called Eric. I searched and deleted all the “Spikes” in my story and entered “Eric” instead.

I`d written six pages and was thoroughly pleased with myself when I heard the door open and close. I quickly saved what I`d written and turned off my computer. No point in Eric seeing what I`d written. Or how much of an inspiration he was.

He might see it when the book was printed and sold, but probably not. Why would he buy my book? When they were out in the shops, I would be long forgotten. Or, at best, a distant memory. One of the girls Eric had slept with.

Pity-parties weren`t my thing but I was good at being realistic. I had Eric here and now, enjoyed his company and knew what was to come. No reason to be sad about that. Just as I couldn`t bury myself in grief over the years I`d spent with Bill. What was done was done.

Or as the Scandinavian proverb Eric had told me about, said – what was done was done and what was eaten was eaten. I liked that proverb and wanted it for my fridge.

I smiled at Eric when he walked into the living room. I was about to tell him about the new pages on my story, but then I saw that he was smiling too and figured my pages could wait.

Not because they weren`t important but because I wanted the pages to be mine, and mine alone, for a little while longer. Maybe I could write a little more later? Maybe some tomorrow as well? My smile grew wider.

“I found it,” Eric boomed. Then he pulled out a DVD from the backpack he was carrying.

I squinted to see the title. Let the Right One In it said. I looked at Eric.

“It`s the best vampire movie ever made. You have to see it. And this is the original, the Swedish one.” Eric pulled me over to the couch and walked over to my DVD-player, eagerness oozing out of every inch of his long body. “They made an American version too and it`s not too bad but you really have to see the original.”

I laughed because I was happy and because he was so ecstatic. “Can`t wait,” I said though I`d never really had a thing for vampire movies.

I wrote books about vampires but I`d never wanted to see fangs and blood pouring out of my TV. I sat down and swallowed a smile because my DVD-player was situated just low enough for Eric to have to bend down and give me a first class peak at that sexy butt of his. Yes, I was ogling and I wasn`t ashamed to admit it.

Eric got the DVD in and went to the kitchen. When he came back he picked up the remote, pressed “English subtitles” and then he put down two empty glasses on the table. He sat down next to me on the couch, opened his backpack and pulled out a bottle.

“We`re watching a Swedish movie so I figured we needed something Swedish to drink. Absolut,” he said and held up the bottle.

“Vodka?” I asked.

“And not just any vodka. Absolut is the king of vodkas.” He pulled out several bottles of soda and put them on my table.

I`d always figured vodka was vodka and I never liked it much. I was a gin and tonic girl if I drank at all.

“Do you prefer yours with cola, orange juice or tonic?” he asked. “Or do you want it bare?”

“Definitely not bare,” I answered. “Maybe with tonic?” At least that would be in the same ballpark as gin and tonic.

“Sure,” Eric said with a nod and started pouring vodka.

I`ve never worked in a bar but I had a hard time imagining that vodka-tonic was supposed to be half and half. But when I saw that his own drink was a glass of vodka and just a few drops of cola to give it color, I realized that my drink was probably a grandma-drink in his terms.

Eric grabbed the remote, clicked “play”, put the remote down, grabbed his drink and leaned back. When I leaned forward to grab my drink, I noticed the arm that wasn`t currently holding Eric`s drink-until-you-drop drink, was being situated on the back of the couch, behind me.

He wasn`t touching me but I could almost feel the warmth from his arm against my neck when I leaned back. Or maybe I was just imagining the warmth because I wanted his arm closer. I wanted him to touch me.

I took a large sip of my drink, coughed because it was too strong for me, and stared at the screen. A kid came on. I gave Eric a sideways glance. It was a vampire movie with kids? I began to wonder if I could get away with keeping my eyes closed throughout the movie when the kid caught my interest. There was something about him. Insecure in his preteens. All alone. Being bullied.

And then getting a friend. A totally inappropriate friend.

I was just settling into the dawning friendship between the kid and the girl when it changed to a gruesome scene where a guy was strung up and gutted. I pulled my legs up and probably made some distressed sounds because this was when I felt the true warmth of Eric`s arm.

Not only did his arm drop down from the back of the couch and land on my shoulders, but his large hand pulled me into his body. He kissed the top of my head.

“It`s a good movie,” he whispered into my hair as if he felt he had to convince me.

“I know,” I said and I meant it. It was a strange movie but I knew quality when I saw it.

I settled into Eric`s body and we watched the movie in silence, Eric`s hand making slow circles on my upper arm. Though the movie was great, a large part of my brain was preoccupied with debating whether Eric had put his arm around me because he wanted to protect me or because … he wanted his arm around me.

I thought about how much I wanted to have sex with Eric before he left. And then I placed my hand on his thigh. I didn`t move it but I still felt his breath stop for a few seconds. I hoped it was because he was pleasantly surprised but I kept my hand still, just in case.

I felt my attention on the movie fade and was replaced with me listening to his breath, feeling the heat from his body and wanting more.

So much more.

Suddenly, and before I could even begin to go into any deep discussions with myself about how wrong my actions were, I turned my head and kissed Eric.

My heart dropped when he wasn`t kissing me back. I began to pull back when his arm pulled me closer and then he kissed me.

And what a kiss.

I heard grunts and moans from people dying on my television but I was much more interested in the sounds coming from Eric. And from myself.

For the first time in a long time I felt pure joy. Who would have thought that a few pages written on my book and Eric`s tongue in my mouth could make me so thrilled?

“Oh, Sookie,” Eric groaned.

This was when I knew I was going to have sex with Eric tonight. It made me nervous and happy. Happy and nervous. I pulled him closer and told nervous to get lost.

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A/N:

I really want to recommend Let the Right One In. Both the book and the movie. It`s one of those rare cases where both book and movie are great. Magical even.

I hope you liked this chapter (if I manage to post it – FF is one huge mess these days).

Thursday is the deadline for entries to the Home Sweet Home Contest. We already have some great stories. I recommend that you read them and give them great reviews – because they deserve it!

A/N:

Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews, PMs and comments. They made me smile!

I also want to thank my lovely beta Rascalthemutant for the job she`s doing on this story. And yes, Rascal – it was that Anita *wink*

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EPOV

I`d never thought a simple walk through Central Park could be such an amazing experience. After all it was just a park, not the nature I was used to back home.

The sun was out and even if there was a slight chill in the air, it felt like the spring we were never getting in my wintery home country.

I wished I`d brought my sunglasses. Not just because I had to squint because I got sun in my eyes but because I wanted to look great when Sookie was around. And I looked incredibly hot wearing sunglasses.

Then it hit me – hadn`t Sookie mentioned problems with her eyes?

I stopped and stepped in front of her. She turned her face up to look at me, a questioning smile on her lips, and suddenly I was kissing her instead of checking her eyes. It was just a small kiss and I immediately pulled away.

“I`m so sorry,” I said. “I didn`t mean to.”

Sookie was gracious enough to say that it was okay, but I cursed myself the next five minutes. What kind of brute was I?

“I wanted to check how your eyes were doing in the bright sun,” I explained. I wanted her to know that I had had honorable intentions when I stopped her even if my stupid lust got in the way.

“Oh,” she said in a voice I couldn`t decipher. “They`re fine. I think the sun is good for me, actually.”

That made me grin like a fool and I tried to look away so she wouldn`t see it. I`d done something right for Sookie. When I had finally managed to un-grin I looked at Sookie sideways and noticed roses in her cheeks despite the makeup I`d been the very unqualified master of.

I`d never put makeup on anyone before but the result wasn`t half bad. I was especially pleased with the lipstick. It looked great on her. Sexy.

I had just started contemplating whether I had any of the red lipstick on my lips from the kiss and how I didn`t want to remove it if I did, when a woman walked over to Sookie. She was probably a couple of years younger than Sookie and the type you wouldn`t notice in a crowd. Actually you wouldn`t notice her at all.

“Are you Sookie Stackhouse?” she asked.

Sookie smiled, but I could feel her tense against my arm. “Yes,” she replied in a voice that told me that Sookie didn`t know the woman.

“Is it true that Anita has found a new vampire?” the woman asked in a voice full of accusation and I looked at her in wonder. Why was she talking about vampires and who was Anita? I`d just written the woman off as crazy when it hit me that Anita was the heroine in Sookie`s vampire-series. “Anita and Stefan belong together!” the woman shouted and I was back to thinking she was crazy.

“You`ll have to read my next book…” Sookie started saying.

“NO! It`s all over the net that you`ve given Anita a new man in your new book. You have to change that! Stefan means everything to me.”

The woman was obviously not in her right mind so I started pulling Sookie forwards, away from the crazy lady.

Suddenly Sookie fell into me and when I turned my head I saw that the woman had pushed Sookie. I never hit women, but I was very close to making this one pay for pushing my Sookie. What was she thinking?

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked. My voice may have been both loud and angry. Even menacing.

“Stay out of this,” she hissed at me and was about to go back to her verbal abuse of Sookie.

“Get a life!” I shouted. “Sookie writes books. If you can`t handle the way she writes them then stop reading them.”

I wanted to say a whole lot more, but felt Sookie sag against me and knew I had to get her away from the craziness as quickly as possible.

The woman kept ranting about Anita and Stefan being perfect partners and how much they meant to her but she stayed behind when we walked away from her. Outside the gates of Central Park I waved for a taxi, but Sookie stopped me.

“No. I don`t want her to ruin the day. Let`s find a café someplace,” she said.

“Sure,” I said and started searching the streets for a place to sit but couldn`t find any.

Then Sookie took charge and pulled me down a smaller street and to a café I wouldn`t have found if I`d been by myself. We went in and sat down.

“What was that all about?” I asked when we`d placed our orders to the waitress.

Sookie sighed. “I made a mistake,” she said. “Just before I was … Back in January I gave a speech to the fans of my books and I mentioned that they shouldn`t feel too sure that the heroine would stay with the same man all through the series. I`ve had a few reactions after that.”

“But if you think it was a mistake to give your heroine a new love interest, couldn`t you just change it? I mean, the book isn`t published yet, is it?” I had no idea how the publishing business worked.

I knew that she`d started writing on her new book just after she got home from her Christmas with me but she couldn`t have finished it, could she? I faintly recalled her saying that it took months of intensive work to write a book. And surely her publisher would have to work on it too?

Sookie smiled but the smile never reached her eyes.

“No, the book isn`t finished. But I`d had a good start on the writing when I gave that speech. I suppose I was just so pleased with the progress and I didn`t think…” She looked at me. “I don`t regret changing who my heroine is in love with, Eric. Stefan was too possessive and I`d begun to dislike him. He wasn`t right for my heroine. When I visited you I had an epiphany and figured that heroines can break up with their lovers and find new ones just like everyone else.”

She smiled again and this time it was a wider smile. A very beautiful smile. I`m not ashamed to admit that my heart did a little fluttering when I saw that smile. I mean, I`m a Scandinavian guy – we`re supposed to be in touch with our emotions, right?

It must have been the smile that stopped my brain from functioning because it took me well over a minute to connect the dots. Sookie had changed the guy her heroine was in love with and she`d done it just after she`d visited me.

I knew Stefan was dark haired, much like Sookie`s ex-husband Bill. Now I found myself wanting to know what the new guy looked like.

“Sooo…” I asked. “What is the new guy called?”

“The new guy?” she looked at me with questions in her eyes.

“Stefan`s replacement, so to speak,” I explained.

I wasn`t sure what I`d said because suddenly she looked very awkward. She even blushed.

“Oh, you can`t be interested in my silly writings,” she said with a small, but very artificial laughter. “How are your studies coming along?”

I almost told her that I`d had a lot of time to study these last two months, but stopped myself in the last minute. “Fine,” I answered. “I look forward to graduating this summer.”

“Yes, I can imagine,” Sookie said and I felt like I was at some stupid family reunion, talking about unimportant things.

Then I realized Sookie had changed subjects and I hadn`t even noticed.

“I am interested in your books,” I said. Normally I wouldn`t be that interested in a couple of vampire books but I could tell there was something there. Something I needed to know. “So what`s his name, this new character?”

Sookie shrugged. “I haven`t decided yet. For now I`ve called him Spike, you know like Spike in Buffy, but it doesn`t fit him very well.”

I remembered Buffy but wasn`t Spike that skinny Brit? I had to check on Youtube.

I nodded. “How far are you in the book?”

“Not that far, really, but I have it all outlined and the rest should be easy.” She looked out of the window. “Except…”

I knew what she meant. She couldn`t write because of the injuries she`d suffered. I debated for a moment if I should ask her about the injuries and how they kept her from writing but figured she would tell me if she wanted me to know.

I wasn`t even sure I wanted to know. I was good at fixing things. At taking her out in the sunshine and maybe putting a smile on her lips. But talking about painful stuff? That was not my forte.

So I just nodded to let her know I understood.

Our food was served and we ate in silence. It wasn`t an uncomfortable silence and I liked watching her eat. With Pam there was constant chatting. I didn`t mind that but I preferred sitting here in silence with Sookie.

Seeing her put the bites of meat into her mouth was … well, I didn`t have words to describe it but I liked it. I`d never thought I`d one day stare admiringly at a girl while she was chewing on her food, but I found myself doing it now.

She didn`t even put on a show like some of the girls I`d known. They would lick their forks and make little sounds as if the veal brought them halfway to Orgasmland and then they would bat their eyes at me as if it was me and not the veal that put them in such a state. I`d always found it ridiculous but I`d never complained because I`d usually ended up both giving and receiving the pleasure they had suggested.

Yeah, always looking out for my own interests.

Only now I was just as concerned with Sookie`s as my own. And I kind of liked that feeling.

I spent the evening with my laptop in my lap, trying to find information about Sookie`s next book. Those fansites were a mess and I had a hard time navigating.

Half the posts were praising this Stefan-guy to the sky – saying how much they`d like to have him in their lives. Some were pretty descriptive about what they would do to Stefan if they had him in their bed, their shower, on their kitchen counter – well, anywhere. A couple of Sookie`s fans, because I assumed they were fans since they were on her fansites, had even found pictures of dark-haired, muscular, sexy and very naked men they would want to play Stefan if the books were ever filmed.

The other half of the posts were bitching about Sookie not letting Anita declare her undying love to Stefan or about Anita being a total bitch and not good enough for poor Stefan. For some strange reason, none of them seemed to think that Anita was too good for Stefan.

But the real bitching started when someone reported that Sookie was going to let Anita leave Stefan. The discussion thread went into a crazy rant after that. I read a lot of stupid, offensive and very weird posts but I finally found the information I was looking for.

Spike was going to be a tall, blond Viking vampire.

“Yesss!” I shouted to myself – feeling a bit juvenile when I heard the word bounce back from the walls.

I couldn’t help doing a fist pump too. Sookie was planning on giving her heroine a new man. And that man looked like me.

I grinned.

And I laughed when I checked out Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Youtube. I could see why Sookie wasn`t very happy with the temporary name she`d given the character. At least if he was supposed to look like me. Because the only thing Spike and I had in common was blond hair. Oh, and our sexy charm.

The next morning I was having my usual stack of pancakes. Well, two stacks, actually. I`m a big man, I need to eat.

“What are you grinning over?” a familiar voice said in my ear. Pam sat down on the chair next to mine. “I can`t believe you`re still having pancake-orgasms.”

“And good morning to you too, Pam,” I said and shoved yet another bite into my mouth.

“So how are things with the patient?” she asked.

I didn`t like Sookie being referred to as a patient. She`d stopped being that to me a long time ago. Well, a couple of days ago at least.

“Fine,” I mumbled because the last bite of pancake had been big, even for my mouth. No one had ever claimed Scandinavian men were the epitome of table-mannered.

“Did she like the hair?” Pam wondered.

I couldn`t help smiling when I thought about the transformation. Not as much the transformation of Sookie`s looks but how it seemed to transform her well-being.

“She loved it.”

“Did you take pictures of it?” Pam asked.

“Pam. I`m not going to take pictures of Sookie unless she asks me to.” I had a feeling Sookie wouldn`t like having her picture taken just now.

“Why not? You`ll need something to remind you of her when you go home, won`t you?” Pam grabbed a piece of my pancake with her fingers and I tried to stab her hand with my fork. The pancakes were mine.

“I think I may be able to remember her without picture proof,” I grunted. I did not want to think about going home.

Pam gave me that big sister look I hated so much. It told me that she could see right through me, read my thoughts and that she knew everything Eric Northman – just because she was a couple of years older than me.

“So what will happen to Sookie when you do leave?” she asked. Trust Pam to point out the big, fucking elephant in the room.

I stuffed my mouth so I couldn`t answer. Yes, if I had wanted, I would have talked with my mouth filled with food – no table-manners, remember? – but now it was a perfect excuse to remain silent. How could I answer Pam`s question?

“If you break her heart, I`m going for your balls,” she said and then she got up and left.

“What about if my heart breaks?” I wanted to ask and it startled me so much, I forgot to be snarky back at Pam.

What if Sookie broke my damned heart? No, not Sookie. What if I broke my own heart because I wanted more from Sookie than she could give?

I visited Sookie every day and I stayed with her most of the day. I was surprised that Pam never gave me any grief because I left her alone in New York when I was the one who`d convinced her to join me in the first place. I suppose that woman she hung out with all day, made it easier to accept her kid brother`s shortcomings.

Sookie smiled more and more every day I came by and after a week she gave me the key to her apartment so I could come and go as I wished. That way she didn`t have to listen for the doorbell or even be awake when I came by. Sookie needed a nap from time to time.

It was a very big moment for me because it meant that she trusted me. And I knew that trust was not easy for her. Not now. My fingers were on the key all the way back to the hotel room, making sure it was really there. That Sookie had given it to me.

And that night I toyed with it for hours, trying to remind myself why it would be a terrible idea to give her a surprise visit.

I wanted Sookie. I knew I shouldn`t visit her because she had too many things on her mind to want me. And I respected that – of course I did. But I wanted her.

I wasn`t sure how I wanted Sookie, apart from the obvious, or what I was going to do about it. I just knew that I wanted more than I was getting.

And it was killing me because I shouldn`t want more. I was turning a new leaf, becoming a better version of myself, and that did not include drooling over a woman who needed my help.

The next morning I was so sleep-deprived when I came to Sookie`s apartment I almost forgot that I had her key and my finger was on her doorbell before I managed to stop myself. Luckily my memory kicked in just before I`d pressed the little white knob.

I put Sookie`s key in the keyhole and opened the door. I tried to make some noise so she wouldn`t be startled if she was awake but not enough noise to wake her up if she was asleep.

I opened the door to her living room and found it empty. She wasn`t in her kitchen either. And the door to her bathroom was open, which meant there was only one place she could be. Her bedroom.

The door to Sookie`s bedroom was ajar and I couldn`t help myself – I looked through the opening and found her sleeping on her bed. I knew I shouldn`t but I pushed the door open to get a better look.

It wasn`t as if she was naked or anything – I wasn`t that big a creep. She was wearing her pajamas or nightgown, I couldn`t tell which because of the sheets she had pulled up to her chest.

She looked so good lying on her bed. Yes, one could still tell the bruises and cuts on her face but Sookie was a beautiful woman. No injuries could change that fact.

I pushed away the nasty thought of me being a dirty pig staring at a sleeping woman and instead I walked into Sookie`s bedroom. I wasn`t going to wake her up. I just wanted to be close to her.

Sookie`s bed was large. It looked old, probably a family heirloom or something, and fit her perfectly. Suddenly I couldn`t help myself anymore. I was tired and I wanted to be close to Sookie. So instead of going back to her living room or even leaving her apartment, like I knew I should have, I laid down next to Sookie.

Not close enough to touch her and I was also very careful that I didn`t bounce the mattress too hard.

But I laid my head on her extra pillow, closed my eyes and fell asleep. I may even have smiled.

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A/N:

OK – quick test: How many characters from other vampire series have been mentioned in this story by now? 🙂

If you want to read more from me, I just posted a new one-shot yesterday. It`s called Your Body is and Amusement Park Too and has Eric in a tight pink full-body suit that we call a “condom suit”. Enjoy!

A/N: All your great reviews please me so much. I`m very happy that you`ve joined me on this little roller-coaster of emotions.

Some of you asked me for the original Little Mermaid and here it is: hca . gilead . org . il/li_merma . html (remove breaks). I think it`s very beautiful.

I want to thank Rascalthemutant for reading this and correcting my mistakes even if she`s very busy with her school. I appreciate it very much.

These characters are not mine. They belong to Charlaine Harris. I just love playing with them.

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SPOV

I took a deep breath when Eric left my apartment. He`d been so very nice and helpful, and I had enjoyed every moment of it. Well, not the crying into his shirt bit, but I wasn`t going to think about that.

My life consisted of enough soul-searching as it was, pondering over my marriage with Bill and how I could have been oblivious to all the little signs I`d had throughout the years. How I could not see this coming.

I was not going to ponder over Eric. I was going to enjoy his company for however long I had it.

I knew Eric would be leaving soon and that I would probably never see him again, but I didn`t want to think about that. I enjoyed his voice, his help, his smile. I could even enjoy a few hidden peaks at his butt in those well-fitting jeans. It seemed my eyesight improved every time Eric had his back to me.

Eric wasn`t a nurse yet, but he would be a great one when he graduated. And for the time being I could enjoy his training – and his person.

I was very close to falling for Eric when I celebrated Christmas and New Year`s with him. And I had caught myself planning a future with him more than once, when we`d e-mailed and talked on the phone. After all, I could write my books anywhere in the world and a nurse could work pretty much anywhere too. It shouldn`t be a problem for either of us to relocate.

Now I knew how silly those thoughts had been, of course. What 26-year-old would want to spend his life with a 39-year-old even if she`d been of good health? And now I was of anything but good health. I didn`t even have my good looks anymore.

Eric came by the next morning before I had eaten breakfast. I`d barely had time to make myself a cup of coffee when he entered my apartment carrying a bag full of breakfast treats. He set the table and to my surprise I was actually hungry. Very hungry. My stomach growled and I ate his bagels, fruits and buns as if I hadn`t eaten for weeks.

“I`ll bring more tomorrow,” Eric said when I almost licked my plate.

I smiled, not because he would bring me more food, but because he would come back the next day.

“It`s a nice change to eat real food. It`s just not the same when it comes in a tube,” I smiled.

“I could run it through your blender for you, you know,” he deadpanned. “Mix it all and get that lovely special beige color.”

I laughed. “It would lack that very special feeling of having your food fed to you through a huge tube down your nose. Nothing says `Bon Appétit` like a tube in your nose.”

“I could do that too. I am a nurse, you know,” he winked. “Your wish is my command when it comes to tubes through noses.”

“Good to know. But for now I think I`ll prefer to put my teeth to use.” I showed him the teeth in question and tapped my finger on them.

“I have other skills,” he said with a smile.

“Oh, I know, Eric.” I hadn`t meant for it to sound like an innuendo but when I heard it leave my mouth, it definitely had extra meaning.

Eric grinned and the room turned electric. Or maybe what was just me lusting for that handsome blonde in my apartment. I had some absurd reactions to Eric`s grin – the most absurd one being that I wanted to kiss him.

I chided myself. I should enjoy whatever Eric offered and I shouldn`t ruin it by wanting more than he could or would give. The image I met in the mirror, even with my poor eyesight, told me that I could not be the object of anyone`s lust. My scalp looked like a plucked hen, the two scars shining purple. And my face, well, I tried not to look too closely when I brushed my teeth.

Eric looked as if he was going to say something when the doorbell rang. I figured it would be Pam and though I`d come to like her, I couldn`t help feeling a little pang of disappointment. I wanted to be alone with Eric, silly me.

“Let me open the door,” Eric said and got up. He was smiling. No, he was grinning. I figured he was happy to see his sister again. Happy about not being alone with the responsibility of taking care of me. I could understand that. My scars looked scary and who wouldn`t be nervous about me getting another blackout?

I heard voices and then Eric came back into my living room. But it wasn`t Pam who was trailing behind him. A very tall and stunning woman, carrying a tool case and a small suitcase, came into my living room.

She smiled at me and I smiled back. There was something about her that made me like her instantly, though I should have felt intimidated to have such a beautiful woman in my apartment when I was currently self-conscious about my looks.

“I`m Claudine,” she said. “I`m here to fix your hair.”

“Excuse me?” I said. Had I booked a hair dresser and forgotten about it? I looked at Eric for an explanation but he just shrugged.

“Pam found her,” he said. “She said you hated the wig.”

“I do, but…” I started.

“Claudine here is an expert on hair extensions and weaving smaller wigs into people`s hair to cover bald spots. Pam figured it would do you a world of good.” Eric smiled but his eyes carried insecurity. Was he afraid I would feel insulted?

“Well, that was very sweet of Pam,” I said. “And you. I`m sure you had something to do with it too.”

“Oh, no,” he shook his head. “Pam did all the work. I merely told her I thought you have beautiful hair.”

“I had beautiful hair,” I corrected. I`m not a vain person, but I`d always been proud of my hair. And now I wasn`t.

“Sookie. Your hair is beautiful,” Eric said, his voice very intense. “And now it will be even better.”

I nodded, grateful for his little lies to make me feel better.

Claudine sat me down on a chair and went to work. At a hair salon I would have had a mirror so I could see what she was doing but now I could only feel her careful fingers work their way through my hair, and picking up tiny locks of blond hair from the table. I would have thought it would be painful since she worked so close to my scars, but her touch was light and felt nothing but pleased.

Eric had his eyes on my face and my hair the whole time Claudine was working. It was only when she asked for a glass of water he left us, bringing back a glass for me as well.

I kept my eyes closed most of the time, enjoying the pampering and relaxing in Claudine`s capable hands, but every time I opened them I met Eric`s encouraging smile or nod. It made me relax even more.

After what seemed like half an hour, but probably was more like two, Claudine looked at me from all angles and then she gave me a satisfied smile.

“I think you can go look at yourself in a mirror,” she said.

“Okay,” I answered and got up. I had to take a little side-step because I`d been sitting for so long and lost balance when I got up.

I had to smile at Eric who did a perfect impression of a tiger, jumping from the couch to me in one gliding movement. He had my arm and walked me to the bathroom. As much as I loved having him touch me, it also made me feel like an old lady. I`d held my Gran`s elbow in the exact same way Eric held mine.

I was a bit nervous when we reached the bathroom but the look that met me in the mirror made me smile wider than I had smiled in a long time. My hair looked fantastic. It was just like I`d never had chunks of it pulled out by Bill or parts shaved off at the hospital.

“You`re a miracle worker,” I said to Claudine who`d followed Eric and me to the bathroom. When I looked at her, my eyesight got blurry, but it wasn`t because my eyes decided to fail me. No, I had tears in my eyes. Happy tears. Grateful tears. “Thank you,” I said to both Eric and Claudine and was rewarded with a hug from both.

Claudine packed her things and left my apartment – and Eric and I were alone again.

“Do you feel like getting some fresh air?” he asked.

I laughed. “I don`t think you`ll find fresh air anywhere in New York.”

“We could go to Central Park. Take a cab there and go for a walk there. What do you say?”

Suddenly a walk in Central Park seemed very tempting.

“I`d love to,” I answered. “I just want to cover my bruises.”

“Do you want me you do it?” Eric asked.

I couldn`t help smiling. “Do you have a lot of experience with make-up, Eric?”

“You mean I`ve never told you about my secret identity as a drag queen? I`m the infamous, the sexy, the one and only…” he paused. “Tess Tosterone!” Eric shouted it in a high pitched voice. He winked at me – 20 times in a row and I could almost imagine long fake eyelashes glued onto his eyelids. Yeah, he would make a great drag queen. All six feet, four inches of him.

“I think I would have remembered,” I laughed. “Well, Tess, I`m all yours,” I said and handed him my few items of makeup. I figured it couldn`t get any worse than what Debbie Pelt had done to my face.

I closed my eyes and for the second time that day, I enjoyed someone`s careful fingers touching me and making me prettier. Only, this time the fingers belonged to Eric and that made the experience all the more enjoyable.

“Ta-daaaa,” Eric said when he`d finished. I opened my eyes and looked in the mirror. It wasn`t half bad. The lipstick was a bit on the slutty red side – it was one I`d gotten as a present from my old friend Arlene who thought I needed some colors but I had never worn it. Trust Eric to find it. But apart from that, I looked like a human being again.

The scars were covered up. At least the ones on the outside.

An hour later we were in Central Park, just strolling about. From time to time I would stumble a little because of my poor balance or my eyesight going on and off, but Eric was there every time, holding on to my arm when I needed it.

I knew whatever time I had with Eric now would come to an end – if not sooner, then when he went back to Scandinavia. But I`d decided I wouldn`t think about that. I would also not think about how much I inconvenienced him or if he helped me out of guilt or pity.

I had more than enough negative thoughts roaming my brain. I wasn`t looking for new things to feel bad about.

I would enjoy it for as long as I could and then I would daydream about it afterwards.

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A/N:

I`m sure many of us would like those daydreams 🙂

Have a nice weekend!

A/N:

You guys make me smile with your great comments to this story. Yes, Eric is not a perfect hero in this story. Not at all. But I hope he`s a credible one. Because who`s ever met a man without flaws, right? And yet we love them

If Rascalthemutant flunks it`s all my fault for sending her both a chapter of this story and a chapter of Dead without a Work Permit at the same time. I`m very grateful for her hard work on my stories!

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EPOV

“What the hell was that all about, Pam?” I asked my sister when we were standing on the busy sidewalk. New Yorkers walking by us made sure we knew what they thought of us stopping their straight way from A to B. “This is testosterone and this is not“, I said in a pretend-female voice.

“She needed a laugh,” Pam answered as if that explained anything.

“At me?” My voice got a little louder.

Pam stopped and I stopped too. “You`re not the center of the universe, Eric. Grow up! You`re freaking 26 years old and you`re acting like a kid. Sookie`s been through hell and all you can think of is that she laughed at you.”

“Yeah, but…” I wasn`t sure how to finish my sentence – only that I was mad at my sister.

“You need to make a choice, Eric,” she continued.

“What kind of choice do I have to make? Whether I want to disown you or not?” Yeah, I was pissed.

Pam shook her head like a mother shakes her head at a child who asks for cookies just before dinner.

“Jesus, Eric. Were you even present in that apartment up there? Did you look at Sookie?” she asked.

“Yes, of course I looked at her. It was awful what happened to her,” I said. What the hell did Pam want?

“Did you even ask her what happened to her?”

What was wrong with Pam? Of course, I didn`t ask her because… because… “I figured she would have told me if she`d wanted me to know,” I said. Yeah, that was why I hadn`t asked her. It had nothing to do with me being angry at Sookie. No way.

“She probably didn`t want you to know just as she didn`t want you to see her like that. That doesn`t mean you couldn`t have shown some concern.”

“I was concerned. I felt like shit seeing her like that. I mean, she`s…” I stopped. I wasn`t sure what she was to me. Of course, Pam picked up on that like a shark smelled a drop of blood.

“She`s what? The love of your life? The mother of your future babies? The one and only?” Pam said, her mouth turned into a lopsided smile.

“Yeah,” I said without even convincing myself.

“Or was she a great fuck and you hoped for some more smooth sex with a woman who would never demand that you walk her down the aisle and give her pretty babies?”

I wanted to stomp my feet or shout at Pam but I was pretty sure that would only be interpreted as childish behavior. So I pretended to listen to her and to give her words some thought, as ludicrous as they were.

Of course Sookie wasn`t just an easy fuck for me. I`d traveled over the Atlantic for her, for Christ’s sake. If I wanted an easy fuck, I could have picked one of the pretty nurses in my class. They were willing enough.

Maybe marriage had never been on my mind when I thought of Sookie but so what? That wasn`t proof of anything. I was only 26. What 26-year-old thinks of marriage?

I liked Sookie for who she was and because the Christmas we`d had together had been one of the best of my life. I hadn`t really thought much about the future for Sookie and me but if she`d felt like putting a turkey in the oven for Thanksgiving, I would have booked a ticket immediately. It was an American tradition I`d always been curious about.

And sure I`d wanted to fuck Sookie from now ’til kingdom come. That was a good thing, wasn`t it? I mean, fucking was off the table. I wasn`t stupid. Sookie was traumatized and I wasn`t about to jump her bones now.

I doubted she would have wanted me to anyway. She hadn`t looked at me twice when I was in her apartment. Pam had been the center of her attention. Not me.

“What does it matter what she was to me? It`s all gone anyway,” I said, making my voice sad to stop Pam`s attacks. I never went down the road of self-pity but right now I would do anything to stop Pam and her angry green eyes.

But apparently Pam had her sneakers aimed at a nice kick to the groin. My groin.

“You little piss-ant. A woman you had no problems charming into your bed has had her life turned upside down by some fuck who decided to rearrange her face and break her skull too.” Pam took a deep breath and what I felt now was close to fear. My own sister would have killed me on the spot if there hadn`t been a law against it. “And you whine over the fact that a woman you`ve known for a week can`t satisfy your needs anymore?” she shouted.

“Fuck you, Pam,” I shouted back and was happy my long legs could bring me away from her fast and efficiently.

What was wrong with her? Couldn`t she see it from my perspective? Sookie had been special. She`d been the first woman that saw me for who I was. Who`d treated me like more than just a handsome guy she could brag about or a great lay she could make her best friends jealous over never having had (well, they`d probably had me too, but that was besides the point).

I was never just Eric. Eric, the dedicated nurse. Eric, the fun guy who would buy Christmas ornaments the day before Christmas because he wanted to give his lover a real Christmas. Eric, the guy who would open his home to a stranger and treat her like a close friend just after having met her. Eric, the…

Eric, the man. I was never just Eric, the man, to anyone. Not until I`d met Sookie.

But what was I to her?

I hadn`t given it much thought when she visited me. I`d thought we`d have time. We would see each other again and could go from there. And then she`d stopped writing back and that was easy too. Anger is very easy. You don`t have to question yourself when you’re angry.

But now I was embarrassed. Yes, that was the feeling I had deep inside and I hated it.

I had been so angry with Sookie and she`d been fighting for her life. That was so… And now I felt pity, which definitely wasn`t what I wanted to feel towards her.

Fuck, this was complicated.

I wanted fun. Did that make me a bad person? I never wanted to hurt Sookie. On the contrary. I wanted her to have fun too. I wanted her to be happy and that wasn`t something I cared about when it came to many people.

I`d sat down in one of the many diners in New York and had ordered a huge stack of pancakes without even realizing it. So what if it wasn`t breakfast-time? That was the good thing here – you could get what you wanted, when you wanted it. Not like at home where people would look at you funny if you ordered breakfast in the afternoon.

I tried to sort out my thoughts and when I pressed that rewind-button on my inner iPod I kept coming back to the thought that I wanted Sookie to be happy. I really did. And maybe my frustration came from the fact that I didn`t have a clue to how I was going to make that happen.

Or maybe I was just an asshole who couldn`t accept facts as they were. Yeah, that was definitely an option.

I shoved a few more pancakes into my mouth. They didn`t taste as good as the ones Pam and I had had yesterday, but they filled my stomach. Not in that good way a full dinner would have, but at least I wasn`t hungry anymore.

And maybe that was how I`d been with girls? Yeah, I was getting deep on myself. Maybe I`d always just satisfied my basic needs for something soft and sweet and now I needed to chew on a steak instead?

Oh, bad metaphor. Sookie wasn`t a freaking steak. But she was more than a pancake – even the great American ones.

I wasn`t shallow. I`d lived a shallow life, yes, but I wasn`t a shallow person. I`d had pain in my life and I`d dealt with it. Not many guys my age had had to bury their parents. Or had become nurses. I had a heart. I`d just never used it that much.

A lot of thoughts started roaming my brain. Some of them gave me hope. Some made me want to run all the way to JFK, screaming, and beg for a seat on the first flight home. But the main thought was that I wanted to do something for Sookie. Be something for her. And I was pretty sure that I was altruistic about it.

Pretty sure.

I dialed Pam`s number. She didn`t answer it first and I wasn`t sure if it was because she was looking through that stupid handbag of hers after the cell phone or if she didn`t want to talk to her little brother.

But after the seventh ring, she finally answered her phone. “Did you grow up?”

“Yeah, and hello to you too, Pam,” I answered in a wry tone.

“So what`s your answer?” she asked.

“To what?” I had no idea what she was talking about.

“Meet me at the hotel, Eric. This is serious business.”

Twenty minutes later we were facing each other, Pam on her own bed and me on the other one.

Pam took my hands, which is never a good sign. You just don`t want your sister to touch you. Not because it`s creepy or incestuous, because it isn`t – not with Pam. But because if your sister touches you, really touches you, then it`s because she has something bad to say to you. Or because she`s drunk. You don`t want either. Right now I would have settled for a drunk Pam, but she was sober as a nun without altar wine.

“What do want with Sookie, Eric?” she asked, her face very serious.

I gave it a few seconds` thought. “I want to help her,” I said. “I`m just not sure how.” I hadn`t planned on saying that last thing out loud but my sister was holding my hands and somehow that made me want to be honest with her.

“Why?” she asked.

I chewed on it a bit. Then I said the only thing that was true. “I`m not sure. I just know I want to help her.”

Pam gave me a thin-lipped smile. “Good. If you`d said you wanted to help her because you loved her or something like that, I would have gotten you on the first plane home.”

“Why?” Sometimes I didn`t get my sister at all.

“If you`d said you loved Sookie you would either be lying to me or to yourself and she would be the one paying the price.”

“Why would it be so impossible for me to love her?”

“Because you`re just not one of those guys who falls in love instantaneously. Which is a good thing. Love that grows slowly is stronger,” she explained. “But you do like her?”

“Yes, I like her,” I said. Was she being stupid on purpose?

“As a person, I mean. She`s got a hot body and I can see how you could be attracted to her.”

“I freaking like her, OK? Yes, I would love nothing more than to be able to fuck her from here to next Sunday but that`s not going to happen, now is it? And I still want to help her.”

“You want to be with her? Not just to help her out? You want to be in her company?” Pam asked.

“What the hell is with the twenty questions? I like Sookie. I liked her back at Christmas and I like her now. It`s a load of shit that she has to go through what she`s going through, but I want to help her. Because I like her.”

“Good. Just checking to see that there wasn`t some kind of Floyd Nightingale syndrome going on here. You are a nurse, you know. Maybe you felt you had to help her.”

“Pam. You know me well enough to realize that I`m not the sort of guy you can guilt into helping you. I`ve had enough girls trying, you know. I help if I like someone. If I don`t like a person, then why help?”

“That`s nice from a future nurse,” Pam deadpanned.

“Yeah, like you play doctor with all the `my wife doesn`t understand me` alcoholics you run across.”

“Fair enough.” Pam nodded and finally let go of my hands.

This was how Pam started talking to me like an adult. No, like a fellow practitioner in healthcare. She told me about Sookie`s injuries, from what she could see. And more importantly, she told me about the psychological side of the trauma Sookie had been through. I swallowed hard a few times and also felt like a moron for treating Sookie the way I`d treated her, but then I figured it was time to look forwards.

I wasn`t going to be Sookie`s knight in shining armor. No, I was going to be her friend. I`d never really been a friend like that to anyone before, but I would certainly do my best.

Why? Because I liked Sookie. I hung on to that as if it was the last truth in the world. I liked Sookie.

The next morning Doctor Ravenscroft and Nurse Northman rang the doorbell to Sookie`s apartment. But it was Pam and Eric who walked in. Yes, we looked for ways we could help Sookie physically but it turned out American doctors and nurses had done their job and done it well.

Time was the only thing that could help Sookie heal physically. But mentally, time worked against her. And I could understand why when she finally told us what had happened. That little prick Bill who I`d seen buy a Christmas tree with his lover, had not accepted the fact that Sookie could live without him – even if he could live without her.

Something very primal came up in me and I wanted to throw him off the roof or bury him with the fish, but apparently he was being taken care of by the judicial system. And apparently he wouldn`t just get the slap on the wrist like our courts would have given him. We were talking years of imprisonment.

He hadn`t been sentenced yet but Sookie`s lawyers had assured her that her ex-husband would be seeing the inside of a prison cell for a very long time.

I`d never been a believer in long prison sentences but now I did a silent cheer for the American system where they basically locked people up and threw away the key. I didn`t want Bill out in the streets any time soon. Or outside Sookie`s door.

Pam was being her efficient and very charming self. She made Sookie laugh – which I failed miserably at. I just couldn`t find anything funny to say.

So I stayed quiet and watched The Pam Ravenscroft-show. It was a fun show and I was glad she was there to cheer Sookie up because I was the most boring person on this planet. I spent most of the first hour staring at Sookie, wishing I could swing my magic wand (no not that magic wand) over her and heal her.

To be honest – I felt like a fool. I was entirely useless and had begun to wonder what I was even doing there when Pam suddenly got up.

“I`m meeting Bella, you know,” she told me as if she had a friend in New York by that name. The only Bella I`d ever come across was the dog we had when I was a kid. I`d brought it home and Pam had ended up being the one who`d had to walk it. “Maybe you could cook something for Sookie?”

“Uhm, sure,” I said. I couldn`t meet Sookie`s eyes for fear that she would tell me she could do her own cooking. I wanted to do something. Be useful.

I went to the kitchen as soon as I heard the door close behind Pam, glad that Sookie didn`t seem to object. We`d bought plenty of ingredients and I immediately began to cut the salmon we`d bought and pour cream and milk in a kettle. I was the one who`d thought about the salmon. I wanted to bring Scandinavia to New York. To Sookie.

I was so busy cutting the carrots and leeks and didn`t hear Sookie entering the kitchen. This was why I dropped the knife on the floor when she coughed behind me. It made Sookie laugh and even if I would much rather have her laugh at my incredibly funny jokes, I would gladly have thrown all her cutlery on the floor if that could cheer her up.

“I think it`s enough to have one person injured here,” she said between giggles.

“Yeah,” I said. I couldn`t come up with any smart replies.

“So you`ve decided to cook for me?” she asked.

“Yeah.” I mentally kicked myself. Two “Yeahs” in a row?

“Why?”

I turned around to see her facial expression. Was she accusing me of something? No, Sookie`s face was neutral.

“I guess I felt you needed a decent meal,” I said, though that wasn`t the whole reason. But how could I explain that I wanted a magic wand and salmon soup was the only alternative I could think of?

“You know what I mean, Eric.”

“Yeah,” I said. Three “yeahs” in two minutes – there had to be a prize for that.

“And…” she prompted.

I put down the knife I`d just picked up and looked at her. “I can`t explain it, Sookie. I just want to cook you some salmon soup and be here while you eat it.”

Sookie nodded as if she understood. If that was the case she should explain it to me because I sure as hell didn`t.

After having eaten the soup we sat down in her living room. I wasn`t sure if she wanted me to leave but figured she would tell me if she did, so I sat down and poured her some of the coffee I`d made.

Since Sookie`s eyesight left a bit to be desired, we couldn`t watch TV. I felt a certain responsibility to, no, I wanted to entertain her so I searched my brain for something I could talk about. This was why I ended up telling her Scandinavian fairytales.

I started out with Asbjørnsen and Moe but soon I was telling her about The Little Mermaid – in the original version by Hans Christian Andersen. She didn`t know that Disney had changed the ending of and liked the original one much better. Well, I didn`t exactly leave her much choice. I had wanted to dig up Mr. Disney from his grave and slap him ever since Pam had forced me to watch the crappy version he`d made.

“Disney completely missed the point,” I explained. Sookie smiled. It might have been because she thought I was slightly weird, being so agitated over The Little Mermaid but at least I got her to smile. “In the original version the prince hardly noticed the mermaid because she couldn`t talk. He didn`t want another beauty who just smiled and batted her eyes.”

“The mermaid ended up dying?” Sookie asked.

“She became foam on the waves,” I explained.

“And you like this fairytale?”

“I like the original,” I said. “The movie can burn for all I care. But I like the moral in the original.”

“That a woman becomes foam on the waves if a man does not want her?”

“What? No.” I hadn`t looked at it that way. “No, that you can`t find love just by being beautiful. You have to have something else to offer.”

“Like what?” she wondered.

“I don`t know. I mean, what do you want from a man? Is it enough that he`s sexy?” I regretted asking the question just after it had left my mouth. It was a little too close to home – or so I realized when I heard it myself.

Sookie`s face rarely told me what she was thinking or feeling but for a moment a shadow of sadness glided over it. It was gone so quickly that I wasn`t sure I`d seen it, but my body reacted before I did. I went to her couch and sat next to her. Then I pulled her into my chest, turned and lay back, with her on top of me. I managed to get my long legs up on the couch and pulled hers with me.

It was just me and Sookie, her on top of me and me comforting her. I liked it.

I held her there for a long time and had started to wonder if she`d fallen asleep when I felt something wet on my chest.

I came from a culture where even men were expected to have a good cry from time to time, but I lacked the Scandinavian crying-gene. I hated crying and I certainly never did it myself. So when I heard Sookie sob into my shirt, I had to restrain myself so I didn`t squirm under her. Or run out the door.

Instead I stroked her hair.

After a few more sobs, she got up and looked miserable. Well, she looked miserable even before she`d been crying but now she looked worse.

“Thank you for cooking me dinner, Eric. That was very sweet of you.” She tried to smile.

My heart swelled. I`d done something good for Sookie and she was thanking me for it. She even thought I was sweet.

Then it hit me and it hit me hard. I`d wanted Sookie to like me again. I`d wanted her gratitude. Maybe even her admiration. And now I felt like an ass. I should have been there for her, not me.

“Yeah,” I said. Apparently that was all I could say to Sookie today. Then I gave myself a kick in the butt. “Can I come back tomorrow?”

She looked down for what seemed like hours. Then she nodded and I felt 20 kilos lighter.

Tomorrow I would do better. Well, I would try anyway. It wasn`t like I could grow perfect overnight.

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A/N:

Yes, Eric is no knight in shining armor. But he`s trying.

I hope you liked this chapter!

I also hope I can convince some of you to write a story, using the SVM characters but placing them in your country/home town. I`m co-hosting the Home Sweet Home contest with Suki59and we are looking forward to your story! www.fanfiction u/2623209/HomeSweetHome

Do you want to talk to me about my story Dead in Denmark (or anything else, really) you`re always welcome to send me a PM or tweet me. But you could also go here Fangreaders.blogspot.com on March 16th because they have invited me in to talk about my very first story. I`m very flattered!

A/N:

I`m so thrilled to see that this story hasn`t been entirely forgotten. So many great reviews – yes, they put a huge smile on my face. I`m also glad that you chose to follow this story even if there is a huge change from chapter one to chapter two. It would be a pretty boring story if these love birds didn`t have any problems at all, right?

I want to thank Rascalthemutant for being such a great beta. Good luck with the studies!

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SPOV

“I told you I don`t need a doctor,” I said again but no one was listening.

Yes, maybe I shouldn`t have been out signing books so soon, but I wasn`t made for lying back and eating bonbons. I needed to work, do something. And since I couldn`t write, I didn`t have the attention span just now and my eyesight was acting up, at least I could sign my autograph.

Or so I thought. I wanted to scream, cry, kick something. Instead I tried to smile at the shop manager who was pacing back and forth like a lion in a cage. He`d tried to call Alcide, my manager, but he wasn`t picking up the phone.

Alcide had encouraged this. He felt it was wise for me to get back in the circus ring, as he`d called it. “Maybe the smell of sawdust will help you,” he`d said. I`d wanted him to accompany me but his girlfriend Debbie had made plans for them and who was I to get between two lovers.

Well, Debbie probably felt I`d gotten between them already. Alcide had spent some time sitting with me at the hospital and Debbie had hated every minute of it. I`d wanted to tell her that Alcide was all business. Even when he flirted it was as a manager trying to get his best client back on the money-earning train. But Debbie wouldn`t have believed me if I`d told her so I just listened to her rants and kept my mouth shut.

“I`m fine,” I said to the shop manager but I could see he didn`t believe me.

To him I was some weak little flower that had passed out in his shop and he wanted to make sure I didn`t fall over and die. Or sue him for neglect.

I just wanted to get back to the poor people waiting in line for my autograph and a smile. I owed it to them. They`d bought my book and they were paying for the butter on my bread. I didn`t want to send them home empty-handed. It was bad enough with all the cancellations these last months. I hated them. Each and every one. I could read the disappointment on my fansite.

Or rather, I couldn`t read them all because I was having problems with my eyesight. But just reading a few of them made me feel terrible. Some fans had booked hotels and arranged to meet other fans when I was coming to their nearest town to sign their books – and then I`d cancelled on them.

So I`d forced myself out of bed and told Alcide to set up something close to my apartment. Just to dip my toes in the water. Alcide had been thrilled. I could almost see the dollar-signs in his eyes, but I figured that if he made money it was because I made money and I certainly needed money with all the extra expenditures I`d had lately.

Yes, I`d had medical insurance and I thanked myself for having started to pay on that a couple of years ago. But I still had to pay for lawyers, nurses coming to my place every day and the remodeling of my apartment when I was still in a wheelchair. Even food is more expensive when you have to have people shop for you.

The book signing had gone well. I`d been in pain, of course, and my eyesight had been blurry. But I`d been able to smile, chat a little and sign people`s books – and I`d loved every moment of it.

Until he popped up.

First, when I was in the hospital, the memories of my Christmas with Eric were what kept me alive. Kept me sane. I`d been swimming in and out of consciousness but Eric had been in my thoughts all the time. Not Eric as such, but my week in his apartment. All the little details. Things we`d said and done.

Eric hadn`t been a real person when I was in my hospital bed – more a figment of my imagination, a dream, my own personal lifejacket in the stormy sea I`d been in. He`d been the safe haven I could seek when there were so many things I didn`t want to think about.

But when I came home from the hospital he`d turned very real. When I could finally turn on my computer and open my e-mails, there were hundreds and I couldn`t read them all at once, his shone like little beacons and I opened them one by one.

I could see why he was angry but I didn`t need six and a half feet of fury in my life – even if it was only electronically. I`d had more than my share of aggression and couldn`t handle more. Didn`t want to handle it. So in spite of Gran having brought me up to be polite and answer people when they wrote to you, I ignored him. And I didn`t even feel guilty about it.

“Where is the patient?” a female voice asked.

I looked up and into two very displeased eyes. It was the woman who had accompanied Eric in the line. She had a Scandinavian accent and was probably Eric`s new lover. Somewhere deep down I felt a vague pain but I shrugged it off. Hadn`t Eric said he`d studied to become a nurse because of all the women he`d wanted to meet? Apparently he`d met a doctor instead of a nurse.

She looked older than him. Not as old as me, of course, but older. Mature women were Eric`s thing, apparently.

“I`m Doctor Ravenscroft,” she said. “What`s wrong?”

“Nothing, really. I don`t know why they insisted on bringing me back here and calling for a doctor.” I shook my head and tried my 1000 Watt smile. It didn`t have the reassuring effect I`d hoped for because Doctor Ravenscroft crouched down and started looking me in my eyes and taking my pulse.

“You need to lie down so I can give you a more thorough check up,” she said. “Do you have a couch somewhere?” She`d turned her head and was now talking to the shop manager who looked even paler than five minutes ago. Maybe he needed the services of the good doctor more than I did?

I was half-carried to a couch in the next room. I couldn`t make out all the faces that were following my every move, which was probably all for the best. Who wants to be the person everyone stares at? I just hoped no one took pictures. I wasn`t a big celebrity, by far, but I had no desire to have my picture posted anywhere right now even if it was on friendly but concerned fansites.

Luckily the first thing Doctor Ravenscroft did when I was settled on the couch was to throw everyone out. Everyone but herself, me and… oh, I recognized that tall figure looming in the corner. The broad shoulders, the blond hair. I might not have been able to distinguish his features, but I would have recognized Eric in a dark basement, while being blindfolded and wearing sunglasses. If that was even possible.

“He needs to leave too,” I said to his girlfriend. It was hard to see her as a doctor when Eric was so close to her.

“He`s a nurse,” she said. “I might need his help.”

“He needs to go,” I replied. “He`s not a nurse yet and…” I was about to say that I didn`t want him to see me like this, but what would be the point of saying that out loud? If I`d learned anything from my time as a patient, it was to give doctors as few explanations as possible. Orders, they understood, explanation only made them want to argue with you. “He needs to go,” I said again.

I heard a sound of anger and a door that was slammed shut and then I released a breath.

“What did my brother do?” Doctor Ravenscroft said.

“Your brother?” I asked. My brain was working slowly but then I understood what she meant. “Oh. Eric`s your brother.”

She nodded. “Yes, I`m Pam. Eric`s sister. And what has my little brother done?”

I couldn`t see how that was any business of hers so I shrugged.

“Right,” she said. “They told me you`d fainted. Is there anything in your medical history I should know about?”

I sighed. “I`m fine.”

“Sure. But let`s be on the safe side, shall we?”

This was one of the reasons why I hated doctors. They never listened. And they always won any argument.

“Do you have any medical equipment with you?” I asked in the hope that her lack of stethoscope and medicines would deter her.

“No, but I have my eyes. I can see if you need further medical attention and I can make sure you get it. Now, is there anything I should be aware of?”

It`s so very easy to ignore people when you can`t really see them. My eyesight was more blurry than ever but I didn`t want her to know. It was bad enough that it had disappeared all together when I was in public. I hadn`t fainted. Not really. I had been temporarily blind. Well, I had been dizzy too but I hadn`t fainted.

“Are you being treated for cancer?” she asked all of a sudden.

“What? No.” I squinted, trying to make out what she was looking at and why she had come to that conclusion.

“Please remove your wig,” she said.

“No.” I hated my wig, I really did, but there was no way I would let anyone see what I looked like without it.

The wig wasn`t anywhere close to what my own hair used to look like. Even I could see that. But I hadn`t had the strength to buy one myself and had had to rely on Debbie to get it for me. I should have known that Debbie`s taste for cheap looks would make her buy the blondest wig she could find. Or maybe she`d just gotten me the ugliest one in the shop. I would never know.

Pam walked over to the door and locked it. “My brother never told me you were vain.”

“I`m not,” I said. I wasn`t vain except for my hair. And I wasn`t really vain about my hair either except when I missed big chunks of it.

“Then remove your wig, please.”

I swallowed something, probably my pride, and took off my wig. My real hair was fastened with little pins to my scalp and I knew I looked horrible. The bald parts stood out. And so did the scar.

“What happened to you?” she asked in that very efficient voice doctors have. They were never surprised or shocked.

“I was attacked,” I said. No point in elaborating.

She pulled a lamp over and removed the lampshade. “Close your eyes,” she said. “Now open them.” I did as I was told and I knew what she was looking for. It was therefore no surprise when she said that she didn`t like the way my pupils reacted to light.

“There was some damage after the attack,” I explained.

“Are you under medical care now?”

“I am.” I nodded like a good girl though I knew the medical care I was under consisted of a check up once a week.

“You should go to the hospital now, just to be on the safe side. Head traumas are nasty business.”

“Sure,” I said, knowing very well I was not going to go to the hospital. They`d already checked my head from every angle. Sometimes you need time to heal. And sometimes you would never heal entirely. I still didn`t know which category I fit in.

“But you`re not going to go.” Eric`s sister had read my thoughts.

“No, I`m not.”

She looked at the scars on my scalp. Then she turned my head up and looked at my face. “It looks like you took quite a beating? Reconstructive surgery?”

“Uh huh.” It was all I could say since she held my jaw and turned my face this way and that, but it seemed adequate. What else can I say about the physical signs of the worst night of my life?

Her eyes searched my face a little more then she pulled up my shirt and checked the scars on my chest and back.

“Is this the reason why you ditched my brother?”

I looked at her. “I can`t see how that`s any of your business,” I replied. Eric was a thing of the past and I would like for it to stay that way. I didn`t need him, his sister or any of his anger in my life right now.

“Of course it`s my business. My brother liked you.” She rolled her eyes at me like I was a little girl.

“And now he doesn`t. Let`s leave it at that.”

Pamela Ravenscroft looked at me for some time, big sister and doctor at the same time. Then she shook her head. “Very well.”

To my big surprise Doctor Ravenscroft got up, handed me my wig, let me put it on and helped me adjust it, and then she walked me out.

“Ms. Stackhouse needs a taxi,” she said to the bookstore manager who looked like he was having a nervous breakdown.

“No, I can finish up in the store. I`m fine.” Those nice people in the line had been waiting long enough.

“You are not fine and you`re going home. It`s either that or the hospital.” Eric`s sister was adamant.

I hate doctors.

Somehow I managed to get home and crawl into my bed. I slept until the next morning, woke up and was back to feeling miserable.

I couldn`t write, I couldn`t read and apparently I couldn`t even meet my fans. I was recently divorced, I had no significant person in my life, I couldn`t do my job – I felt like I had no purpose in life. I didn`t even have a cat.

The only thing I could do was to think and I really didn`t want to do that. There were too many things I wanted to forget, or rather, there was one big thing I didn`t want to think about and now I was left in a state where I couldn`t forget it. My brain circled around it like a vulture over a half-dead animal.

So I did what I`d done at the hospital before I got Eric`s angry e-mails. I thought of my time with him. My Christmas in Scandinavia.

Seeing Eric had been terrible. The expression on his face matched the tone of his e-mails to me. He`d been so angry, so mad. But it had been good to see him too. Eric was truly a handsome man. No, sexy. He was the picture of sexy. Or maybe it was just me, remembering what Eric could do with that tall body of his.

Now that I knew I was never going to see him again – I`d prevented that with my brush-off today – I could look back at my Christmas with him and enjoy it over and over again. I lay back on my couch, took a deep breath and took my mind back to his little apartment with all the Christmas ornaments and the smell of all the food he`d made.

And the sex. Remembering the sex we`d had, made me forget everything bad that had happened after I`d left him.

It made me forget Bill. His anger when I`d filed for a divorce. His rage. And what he`d done to me. I hadn`t even known he was back in the country when I`d opened the door and he was outside with his very special greeting.

No, I would rather think about Eric. Eric had been angry too, but he was a thing of the past now and I didn`t have to worry about him. Which meant I could just enjoy the memories.

Or at least that`s what I thought when I relaxed on my couch, a smile on my lips.

The sound of my doorbell brought me out of Happyland and back to my apartment. I wasn`t expecting anyone and after Bill, I`d grown wary of people coming by without me knowing about it in advance. So I stayed where I was. If they wanted me to open the door they could have called me in advance.

The doorbell rang again. And again.

After the fifth ring, I tip-toed to my door to take a peek out of the spyhole. Maybe it was Alcide with some more fanmail? I`d told him time and time again to call me before he came over but he kept forgetting. I suppose Alcide never really remembered anyone but Alcide. And the only reason why he brought my fanmail home to me was because he wanted me back in the saddle. I was his meal-ticket and he knew I felt bad when I didn`t live up to my promises to my readers. So he made sure I never forgot them.

Alcide couldn`t wrap his brain around the fact that I would have written 10 books if I`d only could. If my brain had worked the way my brain was supposed to work. But it didn`t. And I hadn`t written a word since January.

I held my finger over the hole when I slid the mechanism to the side – just to make sure that whoever was on the other side didn`t see any changes in light in the hole. No need to announce that I was actually home before I knew who was on the other side of the door.

Cautiously I closed one eye, got up on my toes and peeked out with the other eye – and took a step back in shock when I realized who was there.

Doctor Ravenscroft. And behind her – Eric.

“Just open the door, Sookie,” Eric`s sister shouted. “I want to check on you.”

That was sweet of her, of course, but I had no desire to let Eric into my apartment. Or to let him see the way I looked without a wig or makeup.

The thick layer of makeup that Alcide`s girlfriend Debbie had decided I needed to go to the bookstore hadn`t been pretty, but the bruising I had on my face certainly wasn`t either. You just can`t restore a broken cheekbone or a nose without getting black and blue – no matter what the plastic surgeons told you in their pamphlets.

I counted to ten in the hope that they would go away but when they were still there, I began to unlock all my security locks and opened the door.

And immediately regretted it.

I could take anger in Eric`s face. Admiration, love and horniness, of course, they were all good. I could take indifference too.

But not pity. I did not want his pity.

Pity was exactly what I got. Well, first shock and then pity.

He was quiet all the way into the living room and he even offered to make the coffee. Probably to think up some excuse to leave as quickly as he could.

Pam gave me a thorough examination while Eric was in the kitchen. This time she had all those fancy little doctor things with her so I didn`t have my lamps shoved in my face.

Eric came back carrying my coffeepot and three cups. I wanted to tell him where my cookies were but my voice wasn`t up to the task.

We all sat down. Pam was being efficient, packing up her stuff, but Eric and I just sat there, not knowing what to say.

Finally he broke the silence.

“Why didn`t you tell me?” he asked and gave me a puppy-dog look.

“Like your ass was what she had on her mind when she was struggling for her life?” Pam said in a dry voice.

Actually his ass had been on my mind. A lot. But I knew what she meant and I was thankful for her pointing it out.

“Yeah, but…” Eric started. He didn`t strike me as a man who would lack words but I suppose my situation was just that bad.

“When I came home from the hospital, I was met by a mail that said `fuck you` in the topic…” I started to say.

“How could I have known?” Eric interrupted.

“You couldn`t have known, Eric, but that still didn`t stop you from assuming I was a b… that I`d….” Apparently I lacked words too. How do you explain to your former lover that you were offended by him assuming that you had hurt his feelings on purpose?

“I would have been on the first flight if I had known,” he said.

I had no idea what to say to that so I was happy when his sister answered instead.

“You`ve been a dick, Eric. Why don`t you just own up to it and move on? Sookie doesn`t need this kind of aggravation,” she said to him in a casual voice. I was beginning to like her a lot.

“Pam!” Eric said, but then he looked at me. “So how can I help you now?” he asked.

How could Eric help me? That question threw me off a bit. I wasn`t very good at relying on anyone`s help so why should I ask someone who`d only known me for a week, if one didn`t count e-mails and phone conversations, for anything?

I wanted to say that the best help would be if he walked out the door but somehow that got stuck in my throat. So I just shrugged.

“I think we should let Sookie get some rest,” Pam said and got up. “Is it okay if we check in on you tomorrow?” she asked.

“Tomorrow?” Eric exclaimed. “We`re only here for two weeks. We can`t wait until tomorrow. Can we come back tonight, Sookie?”

“Tomorrow will be fine,” I answered Pam with a smile.

“Great!” she said, showing me all those pretty teeth of hers. “And you know, if you want an older and more mature version of that.” She pointed at Eric. “One without testosterone,” she added. “I would love to take you out on a date.”

“Pam! For fuck`s sake!” Eric shouted.

“See,” she pointed at Eric. “Testosterone.” Then she pointed at herself, totally calm and with a huge smile on her face. “No testosterone.”

I couldn`t help laughing. It was the first real laughter I had had in ages and it did me a world of good.

“I thought women had testosterone too,” I said when I could breathe again.

“Damn,” Pam grinned. “You know too much.”

And with that she shoved her brother out of the door and closed it behind her.

---

A/N:

I hope you liked this chapter and would love to hear your opinions.

I`m so amazed with how quickly we assume our friends and even our loved ones are doing something bad on purpose – just to be mean to you. When I wrote this chapter I was watching a show on TV where a guy was waiting for his future wife to arrive on plane from Russia. When it took her an hour or more to get through customs, he immediately assumed that she`d just taken the money he`d sent for her plane tickets and was having fun with them back in Russia – while making fun of how naïve he`d been to all her friends. It never even hit him that she was having problems in custom. This was his future wife!

Well, this was great inspiration for this chapter and how quickly we assume that we have been used or tricked.

I want to remind you all of the Home Sweet Home contest. Write us a story about any or all of the SVM-characters – only bring them home to your country or your home town. I proudly host this contest with Suki59 and you can follow it on Twitter @ HSHcontest

And if you`re fast, you can still send an entry to the Saint Eric contest. Write a story about how perfect Eric isn`t or an ironic story singing praises to his perfections. Make Sookie an angel or a devil. Peppermintyrose is hosting this contest and you can follow it on Twitter @ Saint_Eric